Date: 10/4/09 11:55 AM

What to do? I think DH likes the coziness of my sewing room and so now anytime he wants to study he wants to spread out on my cutting table! How do I get him outta there? He's starting to become possessive even though I've got some wool jersey laying across the cutting table relaxing; he's up there studying "on it" right now! Ugh!

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Date: 10/4/09 12:21 PM

Hmmmmmmmmmmm -- This calls for a "Pow-Wow". If any group can help you, this one is definitely up to the task!
I would not want to declare war, but if I wasn't careful it could come to that anyway. A "shot across his bow" probably isn't called for as the first response and you probably don't want it to escalate out ot control right off the bat.
Do you have a guest-room that could become a study? Or maybe a dinning room? I think my first move would be to get in there & move all the non-sewing stuff to some other surface & get cutting and sewing on the fabric(s) on the board as soon as possible, to serve as a notice that you're not going to "cave" without a conversation.

I just know you're going to get some good "suggestions" in this group!

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PVA (Pat)  "A girl can't have too many scissors!"
If I don't have time to do it right, when will I have time to do it over?

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Date: 10/4/09 12:29 PM

Have you tried talking to him: calmly, rationally, and without any insults? Before you do, think of any constructive suggestions you might have for him, i.e. what other arrangements/spaces would be comfortable for him to use?

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Fabric bought in 2009: 30 yds
Fabrc sewn in 2009: 19 yds
Fabric stash: 145 yds

3 Garments IN and 6 Garments OUT

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Date: 10/4/09 12:51 PM

Oh no, I hope you can reclaim your space without a war! Don't hesitate to be firm, though. He could study anywhere, but you can't cut your fabric anywhere.

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Reply to meesa
Date: 10/4/09 2:11 PM

lock on the door ??????

I guess the better 1st step would be find out what he really finds "cozy"....is it the table space to spread out on, better lighting, are you trying to work in there at the same time (maybe he's wanting the company), quieter (he doesn't want company), etc.....

good luck - once they set up "camp" they can be hard to relocate ....

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Reply to meesa
Date: 10/4/09 2:37 PM

Have you tried the direct but polite approach? Tell him basically the same thing you've just told us, and brainstorm with him about other possible cozy places that you two could turn into his own private study space? I wouldn't beat around the bush about your need for a private work space where you can spread out, but it might help if you showed concern and respect for his own need for a private work space. He's probably just being oblivious -- I don't know.

Keep in mind that I'm divorced -- my ex and I would never have been able to have the respectful discussion I'm envisioning you two having. But I've also learned a lot in the last 10-15 years about setting respectful boundaries.

P.S. The "say what you mean/ don't beat around the bush/ don't apologize for having to say something" aspect is something my son has on more than one occasion (and not that diplomatically) told me is important to him. He says it drives him crazy when I skirt apologetically around an issue and expect him to clue in. I don't know if that's just him or if it's men in general who get frustrated by this, but I think on some level, most men dislike apologetic or pleading communication styles and prefer directness with a bit of diplomacy thrown in.

-- Edited on 10/4/09 2:44 PM --

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When we dismiss or deny the hopes of others, we forget that they, like us, have only one chance in this life. ~Alexander McCall Smith (speaking via Mma Ramotswe in Tea Time for the Traditionally Built, book 10 of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency series)
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Current image: Woman Sewing, Caroline Augusta Lord, c. late 1890's, oil on canvas; University of Cincinnati Fine Arts Collection

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Date: 10/4/09 3:17 PM

Ahem...how about several well-placed pins...

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There will always be fabric. It is time we must preserve. -Deepika

Dressing is a way of life. It brings you joy. It can give you freedom and liberation, help you to find yourself and to move without restraint. Isn't elegance forgetting what one is wearing? — Yves Saint Laurent

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Date: 10/4/09 3:47 PM

I'm with Joan on a direct approach ~ because that's the only thing that works with my DH. Subtle has never been effective.

You might want to consider using the word "separate" to describe your sewing space as opposed to "private". Separate in terms of a place where you can spread out as needed and having him and his books spread out on top of your sewing becomes counter-productive. Where else in your home can he create a conducive study area and what is it about your room that has drawn him in? Can that feeling be re-created elsewhere for him?

My concern about the use of the term your "private" space is that it becomes a place where he is not welcome. It may not be the best beginning when your goal is to (1) find out why he has chosen your sewing area and in doing so rendered it a less productive sewing area and (2) create another equally appealing place for him to study.

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"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin

"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown

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Reply to meesa
Date: 10/4/09 4:10 PM

This is why I keep my sewing room cluttered! My hubby is afraid to walk in there, believing he will never find his way out.

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OH NO! You've done it just like I told you!!!

That's GEE ell, not GEE EYE

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Reply to GlButterfly
Date: 10/4/09 4:22 PM

Mine is just messy enough that DH finds it too cluttered to traverse. May it stay that way......

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"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin

"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown

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