Date: 10/22/09 6:57 PM

I wasn't sure where to post this, so I'm just going for it here and hoping some of you know some big men and might be able to help me.

My DH has hit critical mass - emotionally and physically. He is 5' 11" and about 100 lbs overweight; this is the heaviest he has ever been.

He is *not* one of those football guys with the broad shoulders you can hang a big sport coat on and disguise the bulges somewhat; picture Ray Romano (everybody loves Raymond) and add 100 lbs, mostly in the stomach - that's my DH.

He is determined to do something about the weight and is starting over with exercise and a healthy eating plan, which I am happy about, though we all know the changes don't happen overnight.

In the meantime, he hates how he looks, and doesn't want to even think about getting any clothes. He has a lot of big short-sleeved plaid shirts, which he wears untucked over Docker-type casual pants. He has a big wool coat for winter; it's a charcoal gray, sort-of pea coat type, but he keeps it on indoors over his white dress shirts and ties when he has to look "nice", because he hates tucking his shirt in over his stomach (because of the appearance; I don't think the comfort is an issue). None of these things fit very well, but they cover him, which is his main objective. He doesn't want anything "highlighting" his stomach, which means he won't even look at sweaters, vests, t-shirts, polo shirts, etc.

I'm glad he has his work "uniform", but I would like to help him find something that he can wear to church, family events with photos, and holiday parties in the coming months. The wool coat is just ridiculous for indoors, and he wears it sooo much. He will flat-out refuse to spend $$ on a suit or sport coat, since he wants to lose weight. I don't have the time or skills to make something like that, though I could take on a smaller project of some kind if necessary.

I usually do not buy (or make) his clothes. He has always been particular about comfort or color etc., and returned my Christmas gifts for a few years until I got the message. I picture my role in this as offering suggestions and encouragement (and fulfilling my secret goal of having him wear something other than that gray coat in our holiday photos).

So...

any ideas?

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Reply to mmmckay
Date: 10/22/09 8:19 PM

I have a couple suggestions, but they do cost money . . .

My husband finds RTW difficult because he is very short, especially his legs and rise, plus about 40 lbs overweight (anything that will fit him in length is for more slender sizes).

He goes the custom route. He used to have his pants custom made by Land's End, but they have cut back on what they custom make so he found a tailor who will custom make clothes and got a jacket, a couple pair of pants, and several shirts for a combined cost of around $400. The fit is terrific, and he's found the price isn't all that much more. I've offered to teach him how to sew so he can make his own custom clothes, but he hasn't taken me up on that offer yet.

Another option is to buy RTW and have them altered.
And if your dh does spend money on clothes then loses weight, he could have them taken in . . .
-- Edited on 10/22/09 8:19 PM --

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Kim

http://girlwithatimemachine.wordpress.com/

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Reply to mmmckay
Date: 10/22/09 9:11 PM

First thing, get him into the Doctor and let them talk. He's hardly alone, and this is a good first step...he may need some extra help here.

Aside from the above, Mens Wearhouse, Lands End, Cabelas, JC Penneys big and tall catalog, have all fit my guys well...Mens Wearhouse will alter for free if you gain or loose weight (at least they do here).

If you want a project there are several reviews of Kwik Sew mens patterns, showing pics of real guys. There are some who have made "belly-adjustments" to make things hang right.

As far as being particular about color and comfort, just relent. My guys all are strange about this, it's a area they can control, and they seem to need this.

Good luck

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Date: 10/22/09 9:15 PM

I think it is wonderful you both are open to new ideas. My husband is 6'6" and has always had to wear "tall sizes" which blend into Big & Tall in the retail world.

What would be nice is if you could find a Rochester Big & Tall store. They are in most major cities but we now have to travel since moving. The biggest problem with these "Big and Tall" stores (not Rochester) is the majority carry cheap and poorly cut clothing.

Rochester carries better quality...ranging from casual Calvin Klein and Tommy Bahama styles up to Zegna suits from Italy. All ranges but not the junk found at many other stores.

Westport Big and Tall is an excellent mail order source and online.

My point is that he just needs to try on clothing and have a professional in that area fit him. He My husband buys off the rack but also has semi-custom suits and shirts made at trunk shows where they are sized to his measurements.

He also goes the tailor route sometimes.

You don't have to spend a lot of money but take the opportunity to have clothing "lessons" at the stores that cater to this customer.

Then, at that point, if you are brave...you can try sewing some nice styles. But, I think you need to be very strong with menswear for it to look polished.

And good luck on the healthy eating plan!

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Catherine

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Date: 10/22/09 9:18 PM

I don't know if it will help, but check out Irene Q's reviews. If nothing else, it might provide some inspiration for your husband. Her DH used to be heavy, and you will find some reviews on clothing she made for him. And some other reviews are for a much slimmer man. No, she didn't get herself a new husband. He lost a lot of weight.

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With a great wardrobe that's still in the flat-fabric stage.
Fabric = clothing (some assembly required) (from Re Becca's DH)

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Date: 10/22/09 9:25 PM

Unfortunately, I have the opposite problem...my ever-skinny DH is getting thinner and thinner due to work stress.

Your DH might find that his face looks a healthier color and becomes less puffy long before the tummy disappears - that will make him look better in his clothes right away. I lost a lot of weight quite easily on Sugarbusters some years back (before they got all complicated - just the basic idea of filling half your plate with vegetables, adequate but not over the top amounts of protein, and modest amounts of starches that take a while to digest - sweet potatoes, beans/lentils, whole grains etc.), and also found that when I couldn't eat solids for about a month recently, raw vegetable juice (some apple with plenty of chinese cabbage, cabbage, carrot, turnip, celery etc.) not only filled me up but was a real pick-me-up.

Sounds like sewing might be the answer...have you seen the
Simplicity 2870 vests? Both look like good options for a bigger man, and sizes go up to 52" chest.

Kwiksew has lots of casual vests too.

Could you talk him into a "traditional" style pull-over-the-head style shirt with a bib-front or tab opening? You can always use pleats rather than gathers, and some have a plain (not gathered) sleeve top, which looks much more modern. Folkwear patterns don't go up to the really big sizes, but my sons like them. Patterns from the Past go up to 50", but I don't know anything about them. For a big man, I would try a substantial fabric like flannel in a rich color, and a longish vest over the shirt (shirt doesn't have to be longer than vest).

Fake leather on shoulders, yokes, and breast pockets and heavy topstitching help draw the eye up rather than down.

Don't know where you'd find one, but years ago I saw a "big and tall" men's cardigan sweater with a shawl collar that merged into a wide front band. The front bands crossed over at the bottom and were caught into a wideish band at hip or low hip level. The effect was of a very low V in front that was really flattering, but less casual than wearing a cardigan hanging open.

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Reply to mmmckay
Date: 10/22/09 9:37 PM

Quote: mmmckay

I picture my role in this as offering suggestions and encouragement (and fulfilling my secret goal of having him wear something other than that gray coat in our holiday photos). So... any ideas?

Yes, an idea. DH Keith, several years ago, was quite overweight. I made him several deep v-neck tunic-like vests whose length fell to just above his crotch and whose width was loose enough to just barely skim his belly. The vests were plain in design and had two faux welt pockets at about the imaginary belt location. These vests were by far the most attractive items he wore at the top of his weight, and could be worn with either a shirt or turtleneck underneath.

I made the vests of dark colored wool knit or dark colored, lighter weight wool wovens. DH Keith lost all his excess weight (60+lbs) in just over 6 months, and the vests worked well as his weight was falling, too.

I might have one or two vests still hanging in the back of his closet. If you're interested, I could try to get a photo posted in the next day. Just let me know, Lily

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Lily

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Subject: What do big (overweight) men wear? Date: 10/22/09 10:53 PM

I second the longish vest. He can tuck in a dress shirt, wear a tie and give the impression that he just took off his suit jacket. That leaves him with a light shirt, slimming V, vertical line from the tie, and then a dark vest blending into dark pants. Vests are easy to make and take little fabric, a good investment even if he loses weight quickly.

Can you get him to go to a thrift store? Buying a $10 sport coat doesn't have the same emotional impact as "wasting" money on clothes that fit right now. Even a jacket that won't quite button, worn open with shirt tucked in and tie obscures the profile view. Generally, it is from the side view that a belly is most noticable.

My old Vogue gives alterations for a man's "bay window" .... think maternity. Add width to the lower front only and add a bit of length to the center front to make sure the front hem hangs level.

HTH, DH goes round and round with the same 20 pounds.

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Date: 10/22/09 11:20 PM

I was going to mention the long vest as well. In ballroom dancing there are some divisions where a vest is worn and I have noticed the bigger guys look very nice in them. If the vest and shirt match (usually black for ballroom, but other colours might work) it has the effect of a suit jacket and tie.

It will take some time for him to lose the weight safely. Remind him that some of the clothes will be worn out and ready to replace anyway in the long run.

Best of luck to you both.

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Subject: What do big (overweight) men wear? Date: 10/23/09 1:29 AM

It's a whole lot easier to lose weight if you already feel good about yourself. Take him out and get him at least one nice outfit that fits him well now, and will fit for another few months. If he can find something he feels good in, it will help motivate him as he moves forward.

One of the cardinal rules of "What Not to Wear" is fit the body you have *now,* not the body you wish you had.

In terms of what he might like... try a sort of straighter sweater with an open bottom (not a band). Kind of a rugby shirt shape. DH has one from Columbia (the company, not the country) that looks *really* sharp--it's nice enough for his office on casual Fridays, but not so dressed up he's not comfortable. A nice casual sport coat with that, and he'll be good to go for all sorts of occasions.

If you're convinced he won't go shopping now, wait 'til he's lost a little weight (if he's 100lbs overweight, he should be able to drop quite a bit early on, so he'll see a big difference quickly), then go buy something nice.

Good luck!

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~Gem in the prairie

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