SIGNUP - FREE Membership and 1 FREE Sewing Lesson
| FAQ | Login
 

Forum > Miscellaneous > Never get any gratitude for gifts.. ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

Please LOGIN or Join PatternReview
Go to Page:
Never get any gratitude for gifts..
...so this may have been the last year
birdmcfarland
starstar
birdmcfarland
Intermediate
Pennsylvania USA
Member since 8/1/08
Posts: 960
Send Message

      



Date: 12/27/10 8:19 AM

We don't have kids but my husband's siblings have spawned amok and there are 9 nieces and nephews. One of them is pregnant, yet again, which will bring the total to 11 next year.
I either make or spend a lot of time finding appropriate gifts for them. Last year I spent an inordinate amount of time looking for things made in the USA that suit their preferences. For example, one of them is really into looking at dead animals and has a definite interest in biology so I got her a biology model see-through frog and a human skeleton model. I thought I'd come up with the best gift ever! This year I got all of them books and made accompanying book bags using fabric that was decorated with their particular interest.
Not only is this getting really expensive with so many kids, but I never get a thank you from any of the parents so you can imagine how deflated I was after getting zero feedback about the frog and skeleton.
Conversely, my brother's 5 year old called just a couple of hours after opening her quilt (made by me) and thanked me for it. I appreciate that her mother is teaching her to express gratitude and the kid genuinely liked it.
I know I should probably have the attitude that the gift is for the kids and not the parents, but these kids live in different parts of the country and, frankly, really don't know or care about us. I can't stand the holiday gluttony and the height of it comes in seeing kids open one gift after the next, tossing each aside until they get to something that meets their high and entitled standards (periodically they'll travel to my mother in law's place and spend the holidays there where we can see them open our gifts and still don't get a thank you!). I spend a lot of time, thought, money and effort into this stuff but this is most likely going to be the last year because I've had it.
Are my expectations too high? Is a simple thanks-for-your-time-and-effort too much to ask? I'm not looking for someone to hold a parade in my honor and I understand that 5 year old kids aren't going to pick up the phone and call on their own, but just an email at least letting me know the crap arrived would be nice.

-- Edited on 12/27/10 8:20 AM --

Miss Fairchild
starstarstarstar
Miss Fairchild
Advanced
USA
Member since 8/24/02
Posts: 7936
Send Message

      



In reply to birdmcfarland


Date: 12/27/10 8:31 AM

Bird, I remember your saying what you were buying and I commend you for staying with USA made products. If you don't make them yourself, they're hard to find! I also remember you saying what you were making. I don't think your expectations are too high; it's a sign of the times when parents can't get their children to thank people who give them things. I recall DH giving his niece's son several hundred dollars so he could go to a music camp for the summer. The boy was about 12. DH never received a thank you, and when he gently complained to his niece, she replied, "Oh, kids don't do that anymore". It isn't the kids; it's the parents.

You can only hope that somewhere down the road, one of the children will come to you and thank you for your gift. It might be when they are in college and miss everyone, or it might be next year.

This year, DH and I decided we'd share a gift for his niece's son. I too, was tired of trying to buy or make him gifts that I thought he would like, and no recognition of my efforts, and then coupled with DH's. (Last year I made him a laptop bag, complete with musical fabric and his initials). So this year we bought him an Ipad gift card. It's sad, I know, but it saves our sanity.

------
"Play the cards you are dealt, but choose who is sitting at the table"..AARP magazine

SEE MY ETSY SHOP HERE: http://www.etsy.com/shop/AuntMaymesAttic
My blog: http://auntmaymesattic.wordpress.com/

Michelle L
starstarstar
Michelle L
Intermediate
Missouri USA
Member since 1/20/08
Posts: 1301
Send Message

      



In reply to birdmcfarland


Date: 12/27/10 8:36 AM

I feel the same way. I feel like there are no "thank-yous" and no one reciprocates.

Every year I try really hard to get something that everyone will really like. We don't have as large a family as you, but it still gets expensive. I felt like I put a lot of thought into every gift that I got....my mom is coming to Egypt with me in the spring, so I got her a new carry-on bag. My nephew is interested in karate, so I bought him a giant punching bag...it was in a box the size of my dryer, and almost didn't fit in my car to get to my mom's house.

My husband and I got in return a gift basket with wine and chocolate. For both of us. So not only was no thought put into a gift for me, but it was a joint no-thought gift to both of us. And my brothers? The fathers of the kids that we spend ridiculous sums on? Didn't get me or my husband anything at all.

To say I am disappointed in my family would be fairly accurate.

------
Michelle

http://cheapandpicky.blogspot.com/

birdmcfarland
starstar
birdmcfarland
Intermediate
Pennsylvania USA
Member since 8/1/08
Posts: 960
Send Message

      



Date: 12/27/10 8:39 AM

I've been building more and more steam about this every year that passes and suggested to my husband last year that we make charity donations in their names instead of giving them a gift. He pooh-poohed that, but this year he's finally seeing things my way. His contention was that "they won;t like it". Won't like it?! Seriously?! Who cares? It's teaching them a very valuable lesson about giving.
I just can't stand taking part in heaping more and more junk on kids that already have too much just because of some stupid social convention.

glenj

glenj
AUSTRALIA
Member since 1/6/08
Posts: 802
Send Message

      



In reply to birdmcfarland
thumbsup 1 member likes this.


Date: 12/27/10 8:41 AM

A thankyou is always lovely,and it does warm the heart to know your gift was appreciated,but in my case I'm not bothered if the relo's thank me.My joy is in sending a gift from the heart.Not because I feel obligated,but just because I hope it will bring a little joy .

I brought my children up to respond to gift givers, just because it is the polite thing to do.

birdmcfarland
starstar
birdmcfarland
Intermediate
Pennsylvania USA
Member since 8/1/08
Posts: 960
Send Message

      



In reply to Michelle L


Date: 12/27/10 8:43 AM

Quote: Michelle L
I feel the same way. I feel like there are no "thank-yous" and no one reciprocates.



Every year I try really hard to get something that everyone will really like. We don't have as large a family as you, but it still gets expensive. I felt like I put a lot of thought into every gift that I got....my mom is coming to Egypt with me in the spring, so I got her a new carry-on bag. My nephew is interested in karate, so I bought him a giant punching bag...it was in a box the size of my dryer, and almost didn't fit in my car to get to my mom's house.



My husband and I got in return a gift basket with wine and chocolate. For both of us. So not only was no thought put into a gift for me, but it was a joint no-thought gift to both of us. And my brothers? The fathers of the kids that we spend ridiculous sums on? Didn't get me or my husband anything at all.



To say I am disappointed in my family would be fairly accurate.

That is a damn shame. It's the exact same situation here.
I can't even tell you how much time I spent coming up with things that these kids would like. I spent hours upon hours searching the internet, choosing fabric, spending yet more money to ship the stuff...and here it is, Monday morning, and I haven't heard a thing from any of them!
Do people think that since we don't have kids we don't matter? That we're just made of money or something?
Michelle L
starstarstar
Michelle L
Intermediate
Missouri USA
Member since 1/20/08
Posts: 1301
Send Message

      



In reply to birdmcfarland


Date: 12/27/10 8:52 AM

You know, I really think that is it. I don't want to start a child-free/childed debate, but I know that in my own family the attitude is "well, you don't have any kids, so what else do you have to spend your money on?" Well, the reason we don't have kids is because we didn't want any....we aren't exactly searching the streets looking for children to spend all this "extra" money we have rolling around...and if someone could please show me where all this money is? I would much appreciate that.

For example....my brother didn't buy my growing nephew a new coat this year. On one of the coldest days of the year, he sent my nephew for a weekend at my house in nothing but a hoodie. The next day, my husband took my nephew to Kohl's and bought him a new coat. I called my brother to fuss at him over sending the kid to me without a coat, and he said "Oh, I figured you wouldn't mind buying one for him."

I don't want the kids to suffer because of their parent's crappy attitudes, but WTH? I wanted to kick my brother for that. And hard.

------
Michelle

http://cheapandpicky.blogspot.com/

tgm and Kittys
star
tgm and  Kittys
Advanced Beginner
Wisconsin USA
Member since 3/8/10
Posts: 8163
Send Message

      



In reply to birdmcfarland


Date: 12/27/10 9:04 AM

One year we made donation for the zoo & let them pick out which animal they wanted to donate too. I think they enjoyed it as they were involved some ....this is when they were 7 & 9, neice & nephew. ......We did not get anything for them this year. ....Last year we sent a box of individual gifts for each person...DSIL,BIL, neice & nephew ...not a peep back. MIL says well kids are getting older now so they prefer CASH! ....Oh really?!! I was sending a few dollars in their birthday cards & never got a thank you for that either!
Anyway, if the kids are young enough they might like doing the zoo thing or something similiar. .... My brother's boys no longer get anything either, they get so much stuff any small thing we could do would be just tossed out or sold at garage sale in the spring by their Mom! .....a sign of our sad times I guess!!! ....But I do not have to like it!

------
Home of the adorable Baby & Mittee girl >^,,^<
Meowy Christmas everyone!

Oh good, DH has now getting a nice part time job. Avg 20 hours a week.
The sewing workers:
Hello Kitty Kate (green), Hello Kitty Valerie, Dottie Kenmore, Bubba Kenmore the traveler.

Be still & know that I Am God +
Dear God...please help us out..Thank you..+

lisalu
star
lisalu
Advanced Beginner
Georgia USA
Member since 10/5/08
Posts: 2267
Send Message

      



Date: 12/27/10 9:05 AM

We've all had the experience of not being thanked, or even acknowledged, for our gifts. Those people are usually crossed off my gift list.

(One SIL who had seven children was crossed off my list for all subsequent babies after she didn't so much as acknowledge the hand knitted layette I made for her first child. So there!)

But on the other hand, I have a young adult son of my best friend who failed to formally acknowledge the graduation money I gave him and a few other birthday gifts. To keep the peace I continued to give a gift when invited to a party in his honor. A couple of years ago I gave him a hand knitted hat that I whipped up in a couple of hours before the birthday party - made with scrap yarn and cost me literally nothing. He LOVED it! He posted it on FB, his Mom told me how much he loved it, and he still wears it all the time. Who would have thought a 20-something young man would get so excited about a hand knit gift? (BTW, I made my son the same hat and he loves it too. All his friends want one.)

Also, I once made a very simple afghan for a friend. It wasn't the best thing I ever crocheted by a long shot, but years later she still raves about it and says it is her favorite thing ever.

So the moral of the story is that yes, I have had many gifts unacknowledged even when I spent many hours making or choosing them. But then I've had simple, handmade gifts bring such thanks and gratitude that it makes it all worthwhile. Not so much because I bask in their gratitude, but because I am truly happy to have given them something they really love. That is why I keep doing it. I think I have had many more scores than misses.

So keep on giving when YOU want to give. If you feel truly unappreciated (vs youthful ignorance about proper thankfulness) then cross that person off your list and move on. If you later get questions about why you didn't give Johnny a gift this year, then just say that since you never heard anything about all the other gifts you've given, you just assumed he doesn't like your gifts so you don't want to burden him further! ;)

------
Jim (Singer 301), Margaret (Singer 201-2), Betty (Singer 15-91), Bud (Singer 503), Kathy (Singer 221), Liz (Singer 221 Centennial Edition)
http://runningstitches-mkb.blogspot.com/

birdmcfarland
starstar
birdmcfarland
Intermediate
Pennsylvania USA
Member since 8/1/08
Posts: 960
Send Message

      



In reply to Michelle L


Date: 12/27/10 9:13 AM

Quote: Michelle L
You know, I really think that is it. I don't want to start a child-free/childed debate, but I know that in my own family the attitude is "well, you don't have any kids, so what else do you have to spend your money on?" Well, the reason we don't have kids is because we didn't want any....we aren't exactly searching the streets looking for children to spend all this "extra" money we have rolling around...and if someone could please show me where all this money is? I would much appreciate that.



For example....my brother didn't buy my growing nephew a new coat this year. On one of the coldest days of the year, he sent my nephew for a weekend at my house in nothing but a hoodie. The next day, my husband took my nephew to Kohl's and bought him a new coat. I called my brother to fuss at him over sending the kid to me without a coat, and he said "Oh, I figured you wouldn't mind buying one for him."



I don't want the kids to suffer because of their parent's crappy attitudes, but WTH? I wanted to kick my brother for that. And hard.

I absolutely agree. Not having reproduced ourselves, I get the impression they think that we are rolling in dough and that it doesn't mean anything to us and that we should be the aunt and uncle that just dole out gifts like they were candy. That's exactly why I make things; it's not about the money for me, but the thought and feeling.
I try my hardest to get that across every year but it doesn't work. I feel like the parents should be teaching those kinds of lessons to the kids.
Go to Page:
Please LOGIN or Join PatternReview

printable version Printable Version

* Advertising and soliciting is strictly prohibited on PatternReview.com. If you find a post which is not in agreement with our Terms and Conditions, please click on the Report Post button to report it. Miscellaneous >> Never get any gratitude for gifts..

Merchants on PR

Patterns from the Past


vintage sewing patterns
Deals!

Reconstructing History


Reconstructing History
Web site

Nature's Fabrics


Natural & Organic Fabrics
Deals!

Elliott Berman Textiles


Fabrics for Greater Ideas
Deals!

Style Arc sewing dress patterns


Patterns That Fit
Web site

 
adv. search»
pattern | machine | member
        
Sewing Basics
Sewing Basics

Register

Break your Serger Out of the Box
Break your Serger Out of the Box

Register

Self Drafted Pattern 295008-1003

photo
by: sunnysewin...

Review
Sewing Workshop Village Bag Pattern

Sewing Workshop Village Bag Pattern

Buy Now
SewBaby Easy Pieces Jumper Pattern

SewBaby Easy Pieces Jumper Pattern

Buy Now

Conditions of Use | Posting Guidelines | Privacy Policy | Shipping Rates | Returns & Refunds | Contact Us | About | New To PR | Advertising

Copyright © 2014 PatternReview.com® , OSATech, Inc. All rights reserved.