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Message Board > Miscellaneous > Has anyone actually NOT given their kid nothing for Xmas? ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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Has anyone actually NOT given their kid nothing for Xmas?
Mom to 5
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Mom to 5
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Date: 12/20/11 10:39 AM

my 12 yr old's attitude stinks... and his grades have dropped...

I have threatened but Im ready to make it a reality

------
http://mamazsewingescapadez.blogspot.com/

poorpigling

poorpigling
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In reply to Mom to 5


Date: 12/20/11 10:56 AM


Since you are Mom to 5. I take it you do plan on buying for the other children.

Just IMHO.. But don't associate his school work with the Spirit and Giving at Christmastime. Its like mixing politics with religion.

I think you would be much better off letting Christmas be Christmas.. and find another way to guide him and encourage him to be a better student.

So. maybe some of the members have thoughts on how to help him with school. There has to be an underlying reason why his grades have dropped.. You need to find that out.. and address that issue/issues.. And find a way to motivate .

poorpigling

poorpigling
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Date: 12/20/11 10:57 AM


BTW. Mom.. he's l2.. going on l3.. not an easy age for a child. Talk this out with him.. and his attitude may be due to hormonal changes you know..

Lady_Mame
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Lady_Mame
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Date: 12/20/11 11:00 AM

My great aunt received a lump of coal one year.

While I'm not Christian, I did grow up with Christmas, and my understanding is that this is a time of generosity and understanding, that this is the time in which you are to be MOST Christ-like.

You say you've got five kids, and that's probably a handful, especially this time of year. But it seems like your twelve year old could use some mom-time. You probably need to find an evening for just the two of you to find out why his grades are slipping and his attitude sucks. (Though I wouldn't put it that way at all.)

I know we were all teenagers once, but I hear stuff from my younger cousins that I know didn't happen at my school -- stuff I wouldn't know how to deal with. Cyberbullying is unthinkable to me, and the sheer viciousness of all the kids seems to have increased since I was in high school. I say that because I often hear people say "Well I lived through it, and it wasn't that bad." Now that might be nostalgia talking, but at the same time, this may be the first time your kid is really struggling, and it's not the same middle-school experience that you or I had.

It's possible that your son is trying gamely to hide something that has gone very wrong, and does not really want to talk to you yet. But I really do recommend that you sit down and, in the most supportive way possible, try to figure out what is going on.

At the very least, he likely deserves some new clothes and maybe some teen-oriented books about overcoming middle school difficulties and growing into oneself. (I don't know if there is any point behind Christmas gifts beyond symbolism, but for Yule, they are meant to be things that you will need and will use in the New Year.)

------
Needle Needle Straight and Slim, Dust and Sweep the House for Him! --Grimm Fairy Tales

Lady_Mame
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In reply to poorpigling


Date: 12/20/11 11:03 AM

Regarding this -- if you look at advertising, there is (for better or for worse) a huge focus on just barely pubescent looking girls. Fortunately, this does give developing girls a sort of feeling that they belong in this world. Slow-blooming boys/pubescent boys barely exist, except as comedic relief in teen movies. I can't help but think this must cause a deep feeling of uselessness. I don't say this to bring up a rant about advertising, but keep in mind the world your son has to live in.

------
Needle Needle Straight and Slim, Dust and Sweep the House for Him! --Grimm Fairy Tales

Mom to 5
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Mom to 5
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Date: 12/20/11 11:05 AM

Thanks PP... you are correct...

his grades have dropped because he is utterly unorganized and because he is used to slacking... because he is very smart, he didnt need to study before... he has very bad habits to break...and YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS the hormonal changes only are making this even harder...


I'll hide his gift under a bag of coal :/

------
http://mamazsewingescapadez.blogspot.com/

lisalu
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lisalu
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Date: 12/20/11 11:06 AM

I hope you are just venting and not even serious about singling out one of your children and not giving him "anything" for Christmas.

------
Jim (Singer 301), Margaret (Singer 201-2), Betty (Singer 15-91), Bud (Singer 503), Kathy (Singer 221), Liz (Singer 221 Centennial Edition)
http://runningstitches-mkb.blogspot.com/

Mom to 5
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Mom to 5
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In reply to lisalu


Date: 12/20/11 11:10 AM

Quote: lisalu
I hope you are just venting and not even serious about singling out one of your children and not giving him "anything" for Christmas.

of course just venting...though since we are traveling out of town & spending $$ on gas, hotels, etc...Xmas is scaled down a considerable bit...

------
http://mamazsewingescapadez.blogspot.com/

marec
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marec  Friend of PR
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In reply to Mom to 5


Date: 12/20/11 11:35 AM

Hi Mom to 5, I taught junior high for 30 years (yes, really) and his performance is not so out of the norm. Many students slip drastically when entering this time because they have more responsibility but cannot organize their schoolwork. We (schools) tend to do 2 things which are at cross purposes: 1)keep them so busy with lots of classes in their schedule, sports programs, afterschool classes, clubs, etc
2)expect them to be attentive to higher level problems in classes.

12-14 year olds (+/-) are truly slow to organize, and focus , and have higher level problem solving skills. Students who were top notch in elementary school sometimes take a dive in jh, and then come back up in hs.

They need lots of help remembering what to do, when. He could keep a planner in his notebook which you can check daily. You can help him by contacting his teachers and then supporting his efforts to keep up.

Many parents start with the above suggestions, and then stop either through exhaustion, or because their student is so crabby about the help. Don't give up!! Just smile and keep checking on him.

------
my blog: http://kf-biblioblog.blogspot.com/
Sewing through my pattern stash-145
completed.

Elona
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In reply to Mom to 5


Date: 12/20/11 11:36 AM

This is a tricky issue and a tricky time for both you and the kid. Lots of unproductive behaviors can get started here (ask me how I know), and the fruits of mutual antagonism are pretty bitter.

If you can possibly manage it, I would strongly suggest a couple of sessions with a family counselor to give both of you a chance to discuss and clarify what is going on and work on a healthful way out of it.

Really.

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