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Message Board > Miscellaneous > how do I tactfully find out someone's gender ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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how do I tactfully find out someone's gender
non english name - so I cant tell!
rmusic1
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rmusic1
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Date: 6/12/12 5:10 PM

I'm trying to find a new housemate. In the online adverts I've stated I am only looking to share with another female. One person has responded today and has asked to view the room. I asked if they could give me a bit more info about themselves. They told me about what they do for leisure and what their job is.

Now here's the tricky bit, they've said their name is Hannes. They are from Belgium and I dont know if its a male or female name! would I cause offense if I asked them before confirming my address?

I'm just not comfortable sharing a house with a guy (as I'd be the only other tenant). Any advice? I havent had this problem before.

sewme47
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sewme47
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Date: 6/12/12 5:19 PM

I believe that Hannes is traditionally a boy's name, but you still can't be certain these days. Why not reply that you are looking for a female roommate---then see how s/he responds.

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threaddy
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In reply to rmusic1 <<


Date: 6/12/12 5:49 PM

I think you should confirm gender as if you look up Hannes on google it is a male name.Then again there was a boy named "Sue"

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a7yrstitch
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a7yrstitch  Friend of PR
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In reply to rmusic1 <<


Date: 6/12/12 5:56 PM

If in doubt, go with your instincts, there will be other applicants.

Perhaps an initial meeting for coffee, a bit away from your home, might be a good approach to discuss shared interests, sleeping hours, kitchen habits, etc. before sharing your address.

Honestly, though, I can't see the harm in asking. Many of our friends' names would be unidentifiable to me as being male or female. One that comes to mind translates as Morning Star with her brother's name translating as Evening Star. And, I have to ask for help with pronunciation from many of our friends.

If offense is caused by an innocent question, perhaps that would not be the roommate for you.

Best wishes. Is it optimistic for me to hope that you find a housemate who will also become a good friend?

------
I have no idea what Apple thought I was saying so be a Peach and credit anything bizarre to auto correct.

allycovey
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allycovey  Friend of PR
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Date: 6/12/12 6:03 PM

I think it is important to be good friends with a housemate. Have you thought of meeting them in a public place to find out if you even like eachother? You should be able to tell Gender - I think_

jadamo00
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Date: 6/12/12 6:04 PM

I gotta laugh because I'm wondering how to phrase the question on the telephone,

"Oh, by the way, I'm looking for a female. How's that work out for you?"

purplebouquet
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purplebouquet
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Date: 6/12/12 6:12 PM

Don't feel embarrassed you can't tell by their name! Just say, Sorry, I don't know if Hannes is male or female.

I know Tylers, Taylors and Lynns of both sexes.

Claudia

rmusic1
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rmusic1
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Date: 6/12/12 6:26 PM

well, I will put everyone out of their curiosity and say I now have an answer. My current housemate (we get on well, I'm sorry she's leaving) helped me draft a polite email asking for confirmation that they'd read the bit in my advert about wanting a female housemate.

They came back and said they were a guy. They seemed faintly miffed, asking why there would be a problem and "not all men are the same". I know they aren't, it's just what I am used to. When I am getting ready in the morning with a towel wrapped round me, it's just more comfortable with another girl.

I said it's what I am used to (and prefer) and wished them good luck with their search. Glad I checked it out before they arrived though, as it would have been a tad awkward otherwise when I opened the front door!

I hate looking for new housemates, I find it stressful and time consuming. I hope to find someone, if possible, who I could be friends with. I hope I will find someone soon as my current housemate moves out at the end of the month.

Maia B
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Maia B  Friend of PR
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Subject: how do I tactfully find out someones gender Date: 6/12/12 6:46 PM

I had a classmate in high school for over a year whose gender wasn't apparent to me at the time. Very awkward.

Would it be reasonable to ask for a fax or fax over email of the persons ID, minus any SSN or similar number? It's prudent to do a criminal background check of a prospective tenant or roommate at some point anyway.

------
🌸 Plenty of machines, mostly Berninas 🌸

poorpigling

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In reply to rmusic1 <<
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Date: 6/12/12 7:12 PM


How about '' Are you male, female or both ? My mom wants to know.''


Yes, do be careful.. overly so.. both in interviewing as well as choosing your inmate.. er.. roomate. I would run both a credit check as well as a criminal check...and speak to the landlord at the last place they resided.

My suggestion to you is to network your family and friends and co-workers in looking for someone .. thats your safest bet..

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