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Message Board > Miscellaneous > What would you do? ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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What would you do?
House rant/question (long, sorry!)


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Date: 8/17/12 4:50 AM

You all know my DH and I built a house. We did what we could afford out of pocket, sans the building, and so we have a 500 sq. foot home. The size doesn't bother me too much, as it goes, but more space would be nice. I've complained about my parents not adhering to the agreement we had, so I pay about twice what anyone else in my area does for a mortgage/rent.

One of the SIL's went through a divorce and got a new boyfriend the parent in laws don't like. I think they want to live together, and she can't really afford the house she got in a divorce. She lives on the land DH's parents own and they are next door.

In the long term, we'll spend about the same money if we enlarge our house, except that we will eventually own the acre it's on (not the half acre I rent from my folks) and I have told my DH this is one of the things if we do it we have to have: the property.

My uncle wants to move to TN, so renting our house to him will offset some of the mortgage, since we will have 2 for the next few years. My uncle will also improve on the place as part of his rent. The downside is I won't kick him out if he doesn't pay (lol).

Money isn't the issue here. We can afford both of them.

The SIL's place is 4 bedroom, and is 4 times the space we have. My son will be able to have a dedicated bedroom when he visits, my daughter will have a larger room and I'll have a sewing room (I won't use). It will be several years before we can afford to build on to the size this is, but as we add on, we won't owe any more.

DH would prefer to be out in the country more, and he likes his hometown. Bad: I'm on top of my in-laws and even further in the boonies then I was.

There are as many reasons to say no as there are to say yes. What would you do?

KathySews
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Date: 8/17/12 5:44 AM

So you are taking over or buying SIL's house, but her parents will own the land? More importantly, you will have a sewing room but not use it???? No one here will be able to understand that one

I can only suggest you get the property straightened out in the event something happened to your inlaws. Expect the best but plan for the worst.

Good luck
-- Edited on 8/17/12 5:46 AM --



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Date: 8/17/12 6:26 AM

No, if we took SIL's place over, we would have the land.

Where I am right now, we just rent it (for a lot more then was originally agreed upon with my parents).

And yeah, I don't use sewing rooms. I always like to be out and making a mess I guess :)

SunnyAlta
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Date: 8/17/12 11:49 AM

I'd sit down & write out a list of pros & cons. Give it a lot of thought & discussion. In the end it's obviously best if you & DH agree on whatever is decided....

Courtney Ostaff
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Date: 8/17/12 12:14 PM

Disclosure: I live with my mother.

That said, I think that if there are problems in getting along with parental type people, thinning the thread of closeness and obligation is a logical step. Money is a touchy subject and I've known families that used it to control their children. IMHO, it's better to not be obligated one way or the other, and work on the relationships without those complications.

Franksdottir

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Date: 8/17/12 2:20 PM

Whatever you do, get it in writing.

------
Barb



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Date: 8/17/12 3:55 PM

Thanks, and yes, I am insisting on a contract with everyone involved.

Miss Fairchild
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Date: 8/17/12 4:04 PM

Quote:
sit down & write out a list of pros & cons
And weight each one. I know it takes away from the "feeling of what you want", but sometimes getting away from that is the better choice. Include in those pros and cons your inlaws and his inlaws (aka your parents and where you are now). That list will come in handy later on when struggles occur.

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"Play the cards you are dealt, but choose who is sitting at the table"..AARP magazine

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Mel.J
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Mel.J
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Date: 8/18/12 8:14 PM

With complicated decisions, I've found the Six Hats method a helpful starting point. I write down lists of thoughts under each 'colour', which I can then process, give weight, etc. I like that it provides space and validity for emotion, logic, optimism and caution.

------
Mel (Melbourne, Australia)

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