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Forum > Miscellaneous > Gift card etiquette ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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Gift card etiquette
How many times to thank the giver?
tourist
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Date: 1/21/13 10:26 AM

MIL gave us a gift card for Christmas, for which she was thanked profusely in person at the time. I used the gift card and bought something for home and promptly kept forgetting to tell her what I had bought. Yesterday in a very miffed tone she asked if we had used the card and insinuated that she had not been thanked at all. Is one required to report what was bought with a gift card? If someone is thanked in person for a gift, is a note or card required as well (weddings and baby showers excepted, perhaps) as the thanks for the original gift?

And of course, we won't even discuss that this is not "my" mother and that another individual, who shall remain nameless but goes by initials DH, could have taken part in this little drama.

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Vintage Joan
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In reply to tourist <<
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Date: 1/21/13 10:35 AM

Oh wow, does this bring back memories. For Christmas, one of my aunts used to send us mostly her favorite finds from an exclusive second-hand store -- mostly frilly toddler dresses. (I once got up the gall to ask if they had any cute kids' pants, but apparently that wasn't the right question.) One year we had sent her a card, complete with a drawing for her from my little girl, and about a month later we got a snarky note saying we hadn't even bothered to thank her. I replied that we had, and had sent her a drawing. She apologized.

There are people who make being polite feel like a punishment.

Maybe the thing to do is to routinely rethank certain people a couple of weeks later?


-- Edited on 1/21/13 10:37 AM --

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Doris W. in TN
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In reply to tourist <<
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Date: 1/21/13 10:39 AM

Since you thanked her in person, it probably isn't necessary to write a note. However, MIL is from another generation and it wouldn't hurt to send a short hand-written note, in the future.
"An ounce of prevention . . . "

RMJ
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Date: 1/21/13 11:13 AM

It's a little different, but if my father gives me a check for Xmas or my birthday I try to tell him what I bought (i.e., what he gave me). Although if I forget he doesn't get upset!

Mufffet
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Date: 1/21/13 11:43 AM

To be formal:

When one has thanked the giver for a gift, one has thanked enough. Period. That is not dependent on the gift form or item.

But, in casual conversation I might tell someone what I got with their gift card, though not always and without the feeling that I must. :)

I think the concern here lies with the giver and not the gift, eh? Some people are just like that. Nothing ever satisfies them really. After several decades of life I decided to ignore all that stuff that belongs to them not me. I recommend that approach. Smile and move on leaving that person without a target for those negative feelings.

------
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--Dalai Lama

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NhiHuynh
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Date: 1/21/13 11:59 AM

I suspect that she's one that loves to give the gift of guilt. Your poor dh probably has suffered a lifetime of it and is taking a break from the drama. I'm sorry you got the short end of the stick on this one.

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TeeGee

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In reply to tourist <<


Date: 1/21/13 12:32 PM

Whether MIL,SIL,my own relatives or friends,I have always thanked everyone for money gifts,or gift cards more than once.I always told them what I bought with the money,or gift cards and thanked them again for the gift.Even as a child I said thank you very much and shared what I bought with the money later and said thank you again.





Changma
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Date: 1/21/13 12:58 PM

I usually do thank the person profusely, and *might* even call once I buy something,but...
the follow up seems unnecessary, and if someone sounded upset because I didn't thank her enough, I would probably calmly ask if she forgot that I already thanked her. If there was continued animosity, I would reply that since I wouldn't want this to be a continuing issue, perhaps it would just be better if we put an end to exchanging gifts and just enjoyed (?) each other's company.

I am way to old to get caught up in the nonsense.
-- Edited on 1/21/13 12:59 PM --

jadamo00
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Date: 1/21/13 1:34 PM

Oh, you ain't gonna win THIS one with ETTIQUETTE!

Snailmail her a thank you note in which you PROFUSELY thank her again for the card, tell her what you bought, and how much you're enjoying it.

That'll stick in her craw because then she'll have nothing to complain about.

Trust me. When you put that card in the mail, you will NOT be able to restrain a chuckle. I'm laughing with you RIGHT NOW!

j.


wendyrb
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In reply to tourist <<
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Date: 1/21/13 3:01 PM

This sounds like a lifetime of deeper than etiquette issues. Not knowing your MIL, except from what you say, I hear hear she is getting little joy from gifting you. I'd go for the "take the high road approach". Easy to do from a distance! Think positively on her and be open to the slimmest possibility that she will change given a steady dose of love. With this treatment, a hard-hearted person in my life mellowed- just a tad. I never saw it coming. Keeping an open mind benefits you even if your MIL outwardly appears unaffected. T'ain't easy and I hope this isn't too goody two-shoes for you to stomach.
-- Edited on 1/21/13 3:03 PM --

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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Andy Rooney

Pfonzie- my honey Pfaff Creative Performance, Bernina 930 and 830, Evolution serger.

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