Member since 4/25/04
Date: 2/5/07 7:29 PM
I have not been on here in several weeks. The reason is my daughter who had vanished was killed in a car fire on Jan 5. She was the only one in the car. It went off the road and down a embankment and hit a concrete culvert. She was the only one in the car. For those of you who knew the story, I did not ever get to talk with her or see her again after August. The family kept total secrecy. I am just heartbroken.
She was my first child. She was just 25. Her five siblings are devastated. We had a memorial service on Jan 13, 2007. My then 11 yr old, 21 yr old and I spoke. It was very hard, but we were told it was a beautiful service that touched everyone. We are trying to heal, but this is so painful. To have to bury your child is tremendously painful. I am posting my eulogy to her here.
From the moment I first held you, you stole a piece of my heart that will forever be yours. Your touch, your smile your laugh seemed to come from the heavens themselves. As you grew, I watched in awe as you conquered each challenge. Your smile would light up a room. When your brother was born, and you always told me you were having a baby brother, you could hardly contain yourself. Your first question was not was it a boy or a girl, but could you hold your baby brother now? He was your broddie and you were his didi. As the years passed you were full of love and life. When Crystal was born, you now had a brother and a sister and thought that was enough. You doted on her and took her for long walks to show her off. She looks exactly like you and is your double. You now had your sissy. Then Rachael came along and you were mad. You told me you didn’t need another sibling, but we caught you loving her just as much as the others. When you thought we weren’t looking, we saw you pull her seat as close to you as was humanly possible. When I would ask who moved her, you would give me that innocent look and say “not me”. I remember you holding her on your hip, putting on the music and laughing with glee as she threw her head and upper body in a circle to the beat. And thus we had shorty. As time went on and Madison and then Candace were born, you relished the role as big sister. You could see the joy in your face as you held them and played with them. Madison was only 7 days old when I first took her to your softball game. I hardly got there when you were taking her out of her sling to show her off. As she grew and climbed on everything you nicknamed her monkey. Even though you complained out loud we had too many kids, anyone who knew you knew how much you loved your sisters. When Candace came along, you stated in a voice full of exasperated authority that this was the last one. We had enough! I was too old. But in your heart you loved her like the rest. She seemed to have a knack for getting into things. You doted on her and loved her for that. You loved to be with her. Many times you came just to watch a movie with her and Madison. And you gave them way too many sweets. And you laughed till you cried when Crystal got her first box of Godiva chocolates and left them out in her room. Candace found them and they were quickly history. She was sick for 2 days and Crystal was so mad, but you thought it was hysterical. You first called her fatty but then decided trouble was a more appropriate name. And it was your endearment to her.
Now I’m not going to say you were a perfect sister. You weren’t. You could be angry or exasperated or even downright nasty to them, but you dared anyone else to try. They were your family and you protected them fiercely. And they knew that. They love you and miss you so much, Vicki.
To your friends, you would give the shirt off your back. If they were hurting you would want to go to them. I remember many times when you told me their troubles and wanted them to come over and stay. And of course, I had them come. You were loyal and cared and watched out for them as well. Not to say you couldn’t just as easily give them a piece of your mind. If it was in your mind, it was out of your mouth. And many times we watched the end results. Some times with amusement, sometimes with utter dismay. But no one could ever say you didn’t care. We’d leave a $10 tip on a $40 tab and you had to add more as it was not enough. Your passion for life was real, genuine and from a true heart. When you walked into a room everyone knew. Your friends are many. You could make them laugh when they wanted to cry. You could also talk them into doing things for you that they latter wondered what it the world got into them? Had they lost their minds? And yet somehow, they’d find themselves in the same predicament days or weeks later.
And to us. Vicki our love for you was unconditional. As I told you and wrote you many times on your cards, it wasn’t what you did or how you looked or what you said or accomplished that mattered. We loved you simply because you are our daughter. There is nothing in the world that could ever change the way we feel. You were the one who made us a mom and dad. I knew when I first held you that I would never be the same. The world was a different place with you in our lives. Vicki, we never abandoned you or turned you away. We were always there for you. We would have done anything for you. We just didn’t know where you were. We didn’t know how to find you. We tried. We know you loved us. We know you needed us and we wanted so much to be there. But somehow we just couldn’t make it happen. I wasn’t able to hold you or love you or tell you how much you mean to me. My heart ached for you. I wanted to be with you. I know you needed me. I also know how much you loved me. But then you made sure of that in the card you gave me just weeks before you vanished last August. In it you said that “no matter what happens today or tomorrow, there’s one thing that you can always be sure of – how very much I love you.” I will always treasure that. You were one of the most precious gifts from God I ever received. In my heart I know you were always his child; that he only had loaned you to me for a little while. And while I wish with all my heart it had been longer, I will forever treasure the time he allowed you to be with us. You brought something special into our life that will not ever be forgotten. But he has called you home. Your mission here was done. And while I don’t understand, I will accept it and be forever thankful for your time here with us. You are with him now. You understand everything now and you will never feel pain or heartache again. And you are now also with your beloved granddaddy. I know he was running to the gates of heaven for you when he heard. And that comforts me as well. I am sure that the streets of heaven shine a little brighter now. And how grateful we are to the Lord to know we will see you again. Go in peace and know that we will always love you and you will forever hold a piece of all our hearts. Your broodie, your sissy, your Shorty, your Monkey, and your trouble. And forever and always, your mom and your dad.
I hope this is ok. I loved my child so much. There is a hole in my heart that I am not sure how it will heal. Thank you for listening.