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Message Board > Miscellaneous > Online dating at middle age ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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Online dating at middle age
Starting over at love in your forties....
mandeedee

mandeedee
Beginner
NC USA
Member since 5/30/08
Posts: 348
Date: 5/2/09 8:00 AM

I used the dating site that "helps you find your soulmate"....I was very hesitant to put in my credit card number. I have been pleasantly surprised. I have met many nice men. I am dating one right now who I date exclusively. He is a wonderful man who just makes me feel 19 again. One of my dates off this site was less than stellar....but all the rest were fine. Anyone else had success? I liked this dating site because it only shows your picture to a match. Anyone who can answer the 400 questions....is at least industrious.I would have never met these men in my job. I work with mostly women.

------
I sew....I rip....I create.

kopp
kopp
Intermediate
ND USA
Member since 3/12/09
Posts: 17
Date: 5/2/09 9:31 AM

Over 2 years ago I met a wonderful man online. I was in my mid-forties, divorced after 25 years of marriage and living in a small town in a rural area.

We married in Jan 08, and it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. We get along very well and have discussed whether the website really is that good at matching personalities or did we just get lucky. I think we got lucky, he thinks they match you well.

I would encourage anyone to try this approach to dating and meeting others.

NancyDaQ
star
NancyDaQ
Advanced
NM USA
Member since 1/12/02
Posts: 3838
Date: 5/2/09 10:04 AM

I met DF through online dating. He's moving in over the summer and the wedding is sometime in the next 12 months.

I dated some other people through the site before meeting him. It was an interesting experience.

------
Now blogging at http://sewwest.blogspot.com

Gilraen Surion

Gilraen Surion
Intermediate
NETHERLANDS
Member since 6/6/04
Posts: 1011
In reply to mandeedee


Date: 5/2/09 11:40 AM

I met my husband on line. Not on a dating site but just by accident stumbled across him.
We were friends for 7 years, mostly on line, meeting once only, before the spark ignited. This was only a few months after I had left a rather stressful and bad relationship (I can say now, looking back). We hooked up I moved in 4 months later and 2 years after initial spark we were married last January.
Blissfully happy wth the most perfect man I could find

Gilraen

------
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.
Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

homewerk
star
homewerk  Friend of PR
Advanced Beginner
MD USA
Member since 10/2/07
Posts: 99
Date: 5/2/09 5:43 PM

If you're talking about the dating site that begins eh* I can give it a ringing endorsement. My husband and I met on that site 5 years ago and have been married 2 years now. We were both in our late 50's. As far as I'm concerned the 50's are the new 30's! Neither of us had posted our photo but when I read his intro I knew I wanted to meet him. We both laugh now as to how skeptical we both were about online matches but really, we would have never met otherwise. All the caveats apply. You do have to be careful. But oh, we are so happy together after being shaken out of long-term first marriages to a partner with whom we were not in the least compatible. Good luck. Life is for living!

------
Becky (I'm homewerk on Pinterest too!)
Babylock Elizabeth, Pfaff 2030, Brother 1034D Serger, Babylock Coverstitch, Grandmother's 1931 Singer 15-91, 1956 Singer Slant-O-Matic 401A, 1954 Elna Supermatic
I love my toys!

Michelle T

Michelle T
Intermediate
BC CANADA
Member since 8/24/02
Posts: 4407
Date: 5/2/09 6:33 PM

No first hand experience here, but both my brother and brother in law met their mates online.

My brother had not had much luck with relationships, but when he called me in Feb 2007 I could tell she was something special. I asked him immediately when they were getting married. He thought I was nuts, they had only met in December. I told him if she was the one not to wait.

My sister in law is a perfect fit for my brother and our families' mesh well together too.

Well by March they had decided to move in together in May, but in April she got bad news from your annual pap smear and plans changed quickly. She had surgery within two weeks, he moved into her place. They did an experimental surgery to try to retain her fertility.

He finally proposed on July 16, the wedding was Sept 16. Our Mum officiated that the service and I did the catering. 14 months later my darling nephew arrived.

My bil met his lady of 8+ years online too. He had been through a rough relationship with a very controlling woman and she had survived a very abusive husband. Although they have had some ups and downs, no more than dh and I who met the old fashioned way (in school). Neither want to marry, but their cat is happy to share their house with both of them.

I have heard many other success stories.

If I was single (planning on keeping dh for a long time), I would look into online dating, but I would try to meet someone on my own too.

DH and I joke that we should both sign up for E-H and see if we were matched. It would be interesting to see if we were as our personalities compliment each other, but we are not alike.

------
Proud parent of a Dwight International School Honour Roll Student

Leora
star
Leora
Intermediate
OR USA
Member since 2/7/04
Posts: 2142
Date: 5/2/09 6:39 PM

I'll be devil's advocate for fun.
I have come to the conclusion that the men my age are broken. Their families are broken because of divorce. Or, they still haven't married and likely won't. Can't imagine they would want my kids if they didn't want their own yet.

My immediate family isn't traditional because we only have a momma, but we aren't broken because we've always been this way. I have come to the conclusion that there is no reason to attempt to meld my family with someone's broken family. We are good the way we are.

Yep, I'm jaded at 40. I've had two relationships over the past four years, met them both online. I'm off the market until further notice.

Officially a spinstah.

------
Leah

My blog:
http://www.journeytocouture.com

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Michelle T

Michelle T
Intermediate
BC CANADA
Member since 8/24/02
Posts: 4407
In reply to Leora


Date: 5/2/09 6:49 PM

Leora,

My brother was 37 when he met his wife, my bil 39. I would not describe either of them as broken, but both had had rough rides in previous relationships.

My sil was 34 when they married and had spent all her 20's getting her medical degree and then specializing.

I on the other hand was a single Mum with one son when dh and I married at 26.

If you were in Calgary I would introduce you to my husband's cousin. He became a widower after a very quick illness (5 days) last summer. He was a great husband, is a super dad, coaches hockey, is involved with his family (4 sisters and his folks in the same city) and his late wife's family. A great provider, he would be a gem for any woman.

But I can understand your point of view. I have a girlfriend who's husband decided when she came close to death carrying #5 and 6, that he did not want to be a husband or father anymore. She has made a life for herself and her kids that is as full as she wants it to be. She has bought a house, two kids are out of the nest and the rest are growing up into great kids. She does not have time for a man.

------
Proud parent of a Dwight International School Honour Roll Student

Leora
star
Leora
Intermediate
OR USA
Member since 2/7/04
Posts: 2142
In reply to Michelle T


Date: 5/2/09 6:57 PM

A widower is a different topic all together, so I didn't include widowers in my list. Although broken, that is miles apart from someone who divorced or has never married.

I remember Lily saying that only children from broken homes are the ones that end up being miserable when two households try to merge. That stuck with me. Ultimately, I would have to agree with her after much thought. Both single dads I've dated had only one child and it seems like it will be tough for them to make a clean meld into anyone elses household.

So much to consider when dating and meeting anyone online. I am pretty much off the market until my 2 kids leave home

edited to say that I just noticed you had an only child. More food for thought for me, huh?

Also, broken households don't necessarily equate broken people. It is just that the kid(s) don't have both natural parents at the table because the relationship is broken. Just clarifying myself.
-- Edited on 5/2/09 7:11 PM --

------
Leah

My blog:
http://www.journeytocouture.com

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Sew Cool

Sew Cool
Intermediate
CA USA
Member since 4/28/06
Posts: 274
In reply to mandeedee


Date: 5/2/09 9:25 PM

You are making me think of trying E... again. Married for 13 years. I have been divorced 16 years raised our three children, dated very little, and my ex passed away a few years ago in an accident. I have an excellent career, a nice life, and now being blessed with grandchildren. One thing that I am concerned about is getting involved with a person that has needy drama infested adult children.
Sew Cool

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