SIGNUP - FREE Membership and 1 FREE Sewing Lesson
| FAQ | Login
 

Platinum Sponsor
PatternReview.com
PatternReview.com

Forum > Miscellaneous > Ever have a friend refuse to apologize? ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

Please LOGIN or Join PatternReview
Go to Page:
Ever have a friend refuse to apologize?
11 yr friendship, first fight...
Kristine Kay
starstarstar
Kristine Kay
Advanced
Michigan USA
Member since 4/3/07
Posts: 188
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 1:34 PM

We are colleagues and friends. Both high school teachers in the same building for the last 11 years. Started the same year, stood up in each others weddings, the whole nine yards.

Last week, she conveyed a message to a student that had the potential of being taken very wrongly by the kids, and I was very upset that she would tell a student what she did. Without going into details, her statement to a few kids made it appear that I was flirting with another staff member, who is also married. The student repeated it back to me in front of my class, and I was totally embarassed.

When I told her that I was hurt, she told me she was offended that I would accuse her of intentionally betraying our friendship. No apology. No "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to," which is really all I'm looking for. Instead, she's claiming to not have said what she did. We haven't spoken for a week, and it's really starting to nag at me. If I go to her classroom tomorrow to resolve this, will she think I'm the one apologizing?

------
When life gets you down... Just Keep Sewing!
www.kbdesigns74.blogspot.com

Kellie R.
starstar
Kellie R.
Intermediate
Member since 7/4/07
Posts: 1669
PR Weekend Volunteer
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 1:53 PM

I'm sorry that you are having an issue with your friend.

In the work environment, with so many distractions and the need to focus on work, I would suggest that you attempt to resolve this outside of school and the work place.

Does it matter who makes the first move ? Be sincere and suggest that the two of you go out for lunch or coffee after work or on the weekend for a heart to heart.

Good luck.

------
A bad day in the sewing room is better than a good day at the office.

Getting through life, one stitch at a time.

http://when-ladies-dressed.blogspot.com/

Sherril Miller
starstarstarstar
Sherril Miller  Friend of PR
Advanced
California USA
Member since 8/24/02
Posts: 7487
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 2:07 PM

Don't forget that these were children repeating this back to you. They don't always get the facts right.

------
Visit my blog at http://sewingsaga.blogspot.com

If it's worth sewing, it's worth sewing well;
and if it's worth sewing well, it's worth FITTING FIRST! - TSL

Em's Summer
starstarstarstar
Em's Summer
Intermediate
USA
Member since 2/16/06
Posts: 3174
Send Message

      



In reply to Kristine Kay


Date: 1/24/10 2:16 PM

***********
-- Edited on 6/13/10 2:53 PM --

------
From what others have said, the nasty message came from Fitting Woes, NOT Misc Hot Topics or the Civility thread.

Sewliz
star
Sewliz  Friend of PR
Colorado USA
Member since 6/22/04
Posts: 4427
Send Message

      



In reply to Kristine Kay


Date: 1/24/10 2:31 PM

You were hurt by what the student said to you, it wasn't your friend saying this to your face. It's like a game of "rumors", it can take just one person to change things from truth to fiction. In your situation I would go talk to my friend, ask her what she thinks happened that a student came up with this story.

------
Liz

thefittinglife.blogspot.com

mmmckay

mmmckay
Intermediate
Utah USA
Member since 7/24/08
Posts: 833
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 3:36 PM

It sounds to me like she didn't refuse to apologize, necessarily, but was taken aback by the whole thing. She is probably as hurt by the implication that she started the rumor as you are by the rumor itself.

Don't let the high school rumor mill put a wedge in a long-standing friendship! If she has been a steadfast friend for 11 years, I think it's unlikely that she would suddenly do you wrong.

Invite her to lunch, kiss and make up, and figure out how to resolve the situation. Does she need to talk to the students to clarify the truth? Has the train left the station, and is it serious enough that you both need to explain what happened to the school administration for damage control? If she's been your friend and ally all this time, I'm sure she will be on your side now. Swallow your feelings and enlist her to help you.

When I was in high school, an innocent comment in the girls' room about wearing a pair of pants that were too big led to a rumor that I had had a baby and given it up for adoption. As a student, I could just laugh it off (that was a biological impossibility!), but then again my professional credibility was not at stake.

Kristine Kay
starstarstar
Kristine Kay
Advanced
Michigan USA
Member since 4/3/07
Posts: 188
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 3:58 PM

She has a tendency to tell the kids too much information, and in this case, it's not exactly what she told them as much as what they heard and how they might put it together in their minds and pass it on to a friend that bothered me so much.
Yes, the friendship is too valuable to walk away from, I guess I just don't know how to approach her without her thinking that I'm admitting fault. Just the week before she had the same exact issue with another colleague, sharing information with students about something she said that was repeated in front of her class and she was totally embarassed.

------
When life gets you down... Just Keep Sewing!
www.kbdesigns74.blogspot.com

Therisa
starstar
Therisa
Advanced
Michigan USA
Member since 4/1/07
Posts: 936
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 4:18 PM

1. As educators, we all know that KIDS LIE. I think you should believe your friend of 11 years rather than some teenagers. She probably said something but not exactly what the rumor brought.

2. Some people have big mouths. Not just if they apologize or not. Likely, if this kind of talk is her pattern, she will do something else which will be offensive or crude. At some point, you have to decide if you want to keep a friendship with her, bearing in mind that she is not going to change.

------
Fabric Purchased in 2011: 37 yards
Fabric Sewn in 2011: 0 yards
Current Contest Moderator: Lined Jacket
Current Contest Participant: Mini Wardrobe

birdmcfarland
starstar
birdmcfarland
Intermediate
Pennsylvania USA
Member since 8/1/08
Posts: 960
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 4:41 PM

Don't try and come up with a strategy or "how best to put it". Simply be honest. Tell her exactly what you wrote here and don't mice words. I wouldn't worry for a minute about what she might think about this or that...just let it fly. Clearly, I operate on an "honesty first" policy and - yeah - sometimes people don't like it. But I find that it weeds out the wishy-washies and attracts those who appreciate a straight deal.

Sherril Miller
starstarstarstar
Sherril Miller  Friend of PR
Advanced
California USA
Member since 8/24/02
Posts: 7487
Send Message

      



Date: 1/24/10 8:11 PM

Kristine, I completely understand about sharing too much info. My best friend and I are both middle school teachers and sometimes we share the same students. We've traveled together at times and we are in the process of starting a sewing business together. It's very important to both of us that we don't share too much with our students because who knows what types of things they'll invent from a little info. I do share with them that she is my friend and they aren't to talk bad about her in front of me but they don't need to know that we've been to Italy and New York on trips together or that we are in business together. I can really see problems if we were to share too much with the kids.

------
Visit my blog at http://sewingsaga.blogspot.com

If it's worth sewing, it's worth sewing well;
and if it's worth sewing well, it's worth FITTING FIRST! - TSL

Go to Page:
Please LOGIN or Join PatternReview

printable version Printable Version

* Advertising and soliciting is strictly prohibited on PatternReview.com. If you find a post which is not in agreement with our Terms and Conditions, please click on the Report Post button to report it. Miscellaneous >> Ever have a friend refuse to apologize?

 
adv. search»
pattern | machine | member
        
Online Class
Altering Pants
Altering Pants

Class Details

Online Class
Serging Ahead with your 5 Thread Serger
Serging Ahead with your 5 Thread Serger

Class Details

Made By Rae Washi Dress

photo
by: sweetfrnch...

Review
Sew Liberated Lola and Lolita Aprons

Sew Liberated Lola and Lolita Aprons

More Info
You Sew Girl 150mm Purse Frame Purse Pattern

You Sew Girl 150mm Purse Frame Purse Pattern

More Info
New Look 6123

photo
by: anniemolli...

Review

Conditions of Use | Posting Guidelines | Privacy Policy | Shipping Rates | Returns & Refunds | Contact Us | About | New To PR | Advertising

Copyright © 2014 PatternReview.com® , OSATech, Inc. All rights reserved.