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Message Board > Miscellaneous > Am I overreacting? ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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Am I overreacting?
or is this as inappropriate as it feels
JennaM

JennaM
Intermediate
NEW ZEALAND
Member since 2/6/09
Posts: 71
Date: 11/14/11 2:12 PM

My 14yo niece has added her friend's dad on facebook. She swears she knows him and he's ok, and that her dad knows she has friended him... but to me it just seems inappropriate.

Here's a conversation from tonight: (first post is the usual teen angsty crap lol)


Teen girl
You dont need to think about that . I know we aint close anymore but even I know you shouldnt be thinking that way . ♥ Take care of yourself!!

Friend's father: hey u,how ya doing

Teen girl: Good thankya:) You?

Friend's father: yeah had a busy day today

Teen Girl: Thats good:)

Friend's father: u had a good day?

Friend's father: how is dad doing

Teen Girl: Yeah, it was a good day , studied mainly. Hes good:)

Friend's father: oh ok good girls studying,so was darrell,he has a big test this week!!

Friend's father: well i will leave you to it,take care.x.

Friend's father: be good,keep up the good work

Teen Girl: Okay:) You too!

Friend's father: night.x.

Teen Girl: Niiight:)

Friend's father: bye:)

I may well be seeing things which aren't there, but he just seems to be the first to answer her posts a little too often... to me it feels creepy.

Second opinions?

------
My vintage pattern page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dont-Call-Me-Cupcake/266315660055464 - come visit me! :)

quiltingwolf
star
quiltingwolf  Friend of PR
Intermediate
MD
Member since 12/15/02
Posts: 6541
In reply to JennaM


Date: 11/14/11 2:20 PM

This would make all my hackles raise. And no you are not over reacting. Sexual child abuse is mostly with someone the child knows. And why would a man her father's age be interested in a 14 year girl he's not related to. Do her parents know? I don't want to read anything into this but the teen seems to be ok with this. Any chance she was ever abused in the past? Most 14 yr girls don't have contact like this or chase after men their father's age, well usually something there that happened. Good luck with this. I know once you let her parents know you are really pretty much out of it.

------
quiltingwolf.blogspot.com

Vibekeinyork
Vibekeinyork
Intermediate
Member since 7/11/06
Posts: 846
Date: 11/14/11 2:28 PM

Creepety creep creep! Show it to her parents. And the first post could be related.

Gelbean
starstarstar
Gelbean
Intermediate
PA USA
Member since 2/17/08
Posts: 855
In reply to JennaM


Date: 11/14/11 2:53 PM

Was the conversation on a wall or a private chat? I think this really matters because if it can be seen by all her friends and family, I think it could be harmless (but still weird). I am facebook friends with some of my 17 y/o son's friends but I would never have a private chat with any of them.

Also, you mentioned he is the first to answer her posts a lot. I have a relative that I have deleted from my facebook because she commented on every single post or photo I posted. It feels like you're being stalked but I think it's more a case of nothing better to do.

Anyway, I think it's fine if she is friends with the dad but they shouldn't have so much contact, in person or on facebook.

------
Bonnie






quiltingwolf
star
quiltingwolf  Friend of PR
Intermediate
MD
Member since 12/15/02
Posts: 6541
Date: 11/14/11 3:01 PM

also point being in this day and age this guy should know better.

------
quiltingwolf.blogspot.com

ccris
ccris
Intermediate
Member since 10/27/05
Posts: 4566
In reply to JennaM


Date: 11/14/11 3:01 PM

How is it you know about you niece's business and her parents don't? Or, did you say she told her dad and he's allowing it? If that's the case, her own father is putting his daughter in potential harm's way. How is her mother responding to this situation? Follow your gut instinct. You're correct in feeling it's inappropriate. It IS!!! Yeah, she knows him and it's ok...........it always is............in the beginning. That's how they seduce. They ALWAYS get their victim's trust.

PortlandMaine
star
PortlandMaine  Friend of PR
Advanced Beginner
ME USA
Member since 1/29/11
Posts: 2181
Date: 11/14/11 3:23 PM

Seems harmless to me.

One dad asks how another dad is doing then says good night.

I think in this day and age more men should be reaching out to teens to form good relationships and not be scared off by the hyper reaction police at every turn.

My reaction - mind your own business.
-- Edited on 11/14/11 3:25 PM --

------
Quilting up a storm!

BeeBeeSew
star
BeeBeeSew
Advanced Beginner
MD USA
Member since 12/13/07
Posts: 826
Date: 11/14/11 3:34 PM

Ok, not knowing any of these people or the circumstances, it rings a little creepy to me. He's texting cute little smilies and using teen speak - to come off as "cool"? I don't know but if it were my little girl I'd be concerned.

quiltingwolf
star
quiltingwolf  Friend of PR
Intermediate
MD
Member since 12/15/02
Posts: 6541
In reply to PortlandMaine


Date: 11/14/11 3:35 PM

If this is a one time conversion it might be harmless. But if it isn't? Her parents should be told so they can monitor the situation however they see fit. We of course don't know all the details. But just general situation it's not right the way it's stated.


-- Edited on 11/14/11 3:50 PM --

------
quiltingwolf.blogspot.com

Mufffet
starstarstarstar
Mufffet  Friend of PR
Intermediate
VT USA
Member since 8/14/05
Posts: 10479
In reply to PortlandMaine


Date: 11/14/11 3:44 PM

Quote:
Seems harmless to me. One dad asks how another dad is doing then says good night.


NO dad should be friends with his kids female or male friends on FB. NO way would that get approved by anyone whose antennae are out there. BBBrrr...creepy. Having raised four kids to adulthood, I know there a lot of weirdos out there that try to know your kids....again....brrrr...followed up by YETCH. Any question of being embarrassed or making people hurt by questioning this - well it's worth the risk.

------
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
--Dalai Lama

I have sewing machines

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