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Message Board > Miscellaneous > Do you need permission? ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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Do you need permission?
quiltingwolf
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quiltingwolf  Friend of PR
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Date: 3/16/12 1:08 PM

I've seen several different posts from other message boards about women having to ask permission from husbands to purchase stuff.

So I have two questions do you have to ask permission?

And are you currently aware of your own family's finances?

I don't ask permission to buy stuff. But since I handle the money I know what's affordable and what isn't. So I wouldn't "ask". It's my believe couples especially with families both be aware of their finances. Especially as they get older. Now I discuss it. If it's something big etc. But being a equal wage earner I would never ask permission.
-- Edited on 3/20/12 3:38 PM --

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quiltingwolf.blogspot.com

birdmcfarland
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birdmcfarland
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Date: 3/16/12 1:24 PM

Not unless it's something big, and even then it's not what I'd term "permission". The money belongs to both of us so it's only fair to make a joint decision.

mrsbewley
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mrsbewley  Friend of PR
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In reply to quiltingwolf <<


Date: 3/16/12 1:26 PM

Hahahahahahaha - ask permission?!?

But then, we were in our early 40's when we got married, and both of us were used to having and managing our own money. We do have a shared household account, though even there, unless I'm planning on buying something extraordinarily expensive, I wouldn't need to ask permission to spend that money.

Lady_Mame
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Lady_Mame
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In reply to quiltingwolf <<


Date: 3/16/12 1:46 PM

My roommate and I are in together on a house, so we discuss finances with each other as a matter of course. Our money is seperate, but what we do with it impacts the other, so we definitely talk. But there is no permission involved.

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Needle Needle Straight and Slim, Dust and Sweep the House for Him! --Grimm Fairy Tales



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Date: 3/16/12 1:58 PM

I'm one of those that "asks permission". We have both a set income and a set budget. Our bills are usually the same every month, I have an amount that I am told he would like to put into savings.

I have an allowance that I do not have to account for and I can spend, save, donate, do whatever with that I don't have to discuss it. This is what I buy gifts for my DH with, and things I don't want to talk about how much I just spent, although most of the time he is aware of what I spend and on what. Anything over that amount (and it's a good amount) I do it more as a courtesy then an actual have to.

I do all the finances, and I am held accountable for every penny that goes out of the account. I also don't have to work, and when I do that money is solely mine. If I want to spend it, I know if we can afford it or not, and to that end, I never get told I can't buy something.

But, it works both ways. He doesn't ask perse in that sense, but if he wants something he tells me he wants to spend XX amount of money. Usually, if it's something online, I order it anyway...if we can afford it because he doesn't want to spend the money on himself.





SouthernStitch
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SouthernStitch  Friend of PR
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Date: 3/16/12 2:43 PM

My husband is not only super frugal, but refuses to accept the cost of things these days. I do take a few hundred out of my check every month for pocket money. Most of that winds up in DD's gas tank.

He's the type that doesn't understand spending more than Walmart or Sears price for anything, and definitely does not subscribe to the buy the best you can philosophy.
I've always been very grateful that I do have my own separate source of income. Without that, I seriously would not own a thing in the world, unless he wanted it too. It's so frustrating sometimes.

When I've asked before for money to go to the mall and buy some clothes he wanted to know if $100 would be enough. He did give more after I reminded him it wasn't 1945 anymore.
He asked if renovating the bathroom (including converting a tub to a shower using traditional materials, not acrylic -- would cost over $1,000. Seriously he did.

So no, I don't ask permission anymore. I can't stand going through the whole thing. I just say I need this much. Period.

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Bernina 780, and 530
Juki TL2010
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When life gives you green velvet curtains, make a green velvet dress.

unfinishedprojects
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unfinishedprojects  Friend of PR
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Date: 3/16/12 2:54 PM

He earns the income and I manage it. We have the $100 rule. Anything that costs over $100 has to be run by the other half- not so much for "permission", but so we're both aware of what we're spending and what we're spending it on. Groceries, bills, household necessities, etc. are excluded.

Cathy Loves Fabric
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Cathy Loves Fabric  Friend of PR
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Date: 3/16/12 3:23 PM

My husband and I work from a joint account very agreeably. But he is ridiculously frugal. After losing some wgt and altering a bra several time I told him in passing that I was buying some new bras. He said "Is that really necessary?" I'm in my 50's, managed my own money, a million dollar budget and made life and death decisions as a critical nurse but couldn't make my own decision about buying a new bra!

Bless his heart. After an "educational discussion" I bought my bras and a new mini-wardrobe. Can you image telling a man he can have new underwear, lol.

After the bra incident, there have been no more problems. We work very well together. I think he had a TIA, lol.

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My hope is to sew to the very end. They'll find my head slumped over my precious Kenmore 19606 and have to pry the seam ripper from my cold, dead hands.

tourist
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tourist  Friend of PR
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Date: 3/16/12 3:50 PM

No permission asking here, but there is an understanding that big purchases will be discussed. If I wanted a $10,000 embroidery machine, I think the "discussion" would not go my way for quite a while! sometimes he is aghast at prices (yes, not 1945 anymore ) in a "you paid what for that???" And sometimes it is "well obviously those are gorgeous red shoes and obviously if they were on sale you had to get them and it really doesn't matter if you have 4 or 5 other pairs of red shoes." So he usually has his priorities straight.

OTOH - he has more than once gone out and bought a new car without the "discussion"

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http://bgballroom.wordpress.com to follow the progress on my next ballgown.

SouthernStitch
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SouthernStitch  Friend of PR
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Date: 3/16/12 3:56 PM

Mine had bought $200 worth of tools from Sears to keep in the back of his company truck after his got stolen. No problem. Then he had to hand the company truck over to his son after he got a new truck and promotion.
He told the son Happy Birthday about the tools and bought him some new ones (and probably bought a lesser set). The others were only 2 months old. Really??? if I said I was spending $200 on one of mine for a birthday he would FLIP OUT!!! He doesn't spend that on me!

------
Bernina 780, and 530
Juki TL2010
Babylock Evolution
Singer 403a

When life gives you green velvet curtains, make a green velvet dress.

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