Sewing Patterns, Pattern Review, Sewing Classes, Sewing Machines and Sewing Machine Reviews!
Platinum Sponsor: Stylish Fabric
Over 20,000 of high quality reorderable fabric

[SIGNUP - FREE Membership & 1 FREE Sewing Lesson ]
[Sewing Classes|Shopping Bag Your Shopping Bag|Login|Help]
Sewing Review and Pattern Reviews Sewing Knowledge Base Sewing Patterns Sewing Classes & Sewing Lessons Sewing Machine & Embroidery Machinery Sewing Message Boards Sewing merchants Blog Help/FAQ About Pattern Review
Enter your e-mail address:




Advanced Search
Tags
New to PR?
Sewing Machines
Compare Sewing Machines
Sewing Machine & Serger Reviews
Embroidery Machines
Sewing Reviews
Sewing Patterns
Review Gallery
Sewing Books
Sewing Supplies
Sewing Websites
Sewing Stores
Sewing Class Reviews
Sewing Expo Reviews
Sewing Tips & Techniques
Sewing Podcasts
NEW!Fabric Glossary
Sewing Review Requests Add a Review Request
Your Account
Edit Profile
My Page
Favorites
Wish List
Pattern Catalog
Notifications
Friends of PR
Join Friends of PR
Find a member
Deal Corner
Photo Album
Calendar
Chat Room
Chat Schedule
Chat Transcripts
Sewing Classifieds
Add a Classified
Sewing Contests
enter contest
contest report
contest gallery
Favorite Links
reviews with comments
merchant gallery
article archive
newsletter archive
Craft Resources
contact info
shipping rates
returns & refunds
testimonials

Platinum Sponsor - Stylish Fabric
Stylish Fabric
You are not logged in. Login here.



Message Board > Miscellaneous > Taking care of Dad ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

Please LOGIN or Join PatternReview
Go to Page:
Taking care of Dad
sewme47
star
sewme47
Intermediate
IL USA
Member since 8/28/08
Posts: 725
Login to reply to this post

Date: 1/24/13 11:34 AM

My Dad's confusion and memory problems have come to the point where he can no longer live alone or take care of his bills. He needs supervision and cueing throughout the day and needs to be accompanied to medical appointments.

One of the options we are looking at his to have him live with my sister in California, but she wants to be paid for her time as well as for room & board. Her motives are good, and all the other siblings trust that she would be a patient and dependable caregiver. She is thinking $3000 per month total for room, board, care for his beloved dog, incidentals and caregiving services.

Has anyone ever had a situation like this? I'm worried about my sister depending on this arrangement for her income. Anything that leaves her vulnerable, also exposes my dad to risk. But I know he would be happier with her than in an institution. I am his power of attorney and want to do the right thing for him. I am consulting with an elderlaw attorney next week, but wondered if anyone can offer advice about how to proceed. Thank you.
-- Edited on 1/24/13 11:35 AM --

------
A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand.

AdaH
star
AdaH  Friend of PR
Intermediate
IA USA
Member since 11/21/09
Posts: 2454
Login to reply to this post

Date: 1/24/13 11:48 AM

Living with your sister would be a lot better than living in a home. I took care of my mother for 3 months while she was dying and it was grueling. Not becasue she was ill but becasue she needed my constant care.
Your sister will be cook/housekeeper/nanny/chauffeur 24/7 so $3000 isn't all that much.

------
Ada

purplebouquet
star
purplebouquet
Advanced
AR USA
Member since 11/16/05
Posts: 1168
Login to reply to this post

thumbsup 3 members like this.
Date: 1/24/13 12:20 PM

Your sister will want to know about the tax implications about this arrangement (this is considered income) and her accident liability. If he falls or suffers any type of injury, runs away, develops bedsores, etc., she could be held liable and be prosecuted for elder abuse. It sounds horrid, but could be a scenario. Her homeowner's insurance might go up, so gathering information is really important, just so that she has all the facts.

Having my MIL come live with us or her other son when she started showing signs of dementia was completely out of the question, so she moved/we moved her into a nursing home when the time came. She thrived there and actually improved initially. I am sharing this because in our experience, a nursing home is not necessarily the dreadful place it is often made out to be, just in case you're considering that option.

All the best.

Claudia

BettyMike
star
BettyMike  Friend of PR
Advanced Beginner
TX USA
Member since 2/12/04
Posts: 444

Going to PR Weekend Austin!
Login to reply to this post

thumbsup 3 members like this.
Date: 1/24/13 1:59 PM

I moved my dad into an assisted living facility just 2 miles from my house. We did not have the space, and he would not have been happy with us anyway. I was able to go by everyday on my way to work. He was able to take is cat with him, at least for a little while. We paid around $3000 a month, and it was well worth it for all concerned. The facility called in hospice when the time came, and made the whole process much easier for all concerned. Best of luck!

------
betty/mikie

PattiAnnJ
star
PattiAnnJ
Advanced
OH USA
Member since 12/3/06
Posts: 6846
Login to reply to this post

thumbsup 2 members like this.
Date: 1/24/13 2:36 PM

Wait for the lawyer's opinion.

------
I dont give them Hell, I just tell the truth about them and they think its Hell. Harry Truman

"Improvise, adapt and overcome." - Clint Eastwood/Heartbreak Ridge

KathySews
star
KathySews  Friend of PR
Advanced
MI USA
Member since 10/1/06
Posts: 3644

Going to PR Weekend Austin!
Login to reply to this post

thumbsup 1 member likes this.
Date: 1/24/13 3:05 PM

Taking care of someone if very exhausting, so I don't think that is too much to ask as it sounds like you would not be living near enough to give her a break.

Also, if your father is a veteran, she might be able to get some assistance through the VA. It helps with getting a break, etc. Whatever it takes.

Good luck to your family. Many of us here have been through similar things with our parents and are here to offer support whenever you need it.

Canadian Jane
star
Canadian Jane
Advanced Beginner
AB CANADA
Member since 10/30/10
Posts: 1700
online now
Login to reply to this post

In reply to sewme47 <<


Date: 1/24/13 3:22 PM

This is always a tough decision for families to wrestle with.

You are on the right track by consulting an attorny to get all the facts on the table. Your sister is wise to ask for a fee for doing this because it is hard work and it takes its toll

I would consider is how long this arrangement will be. It is a huge committment now for your sister to take on, fee or not. That committment will only increase as your father's dementia worsens. Eventually, he may need to go to a facility that is better able to meet his needs, especially if he becomes violent or starts to wander off. No one knows when that point will be.

If it were my Dad, I would want him in an area where he has the most family and friends that can visit him and provide support. (Sister's home or not.) Some facilities are better than others but for him be able to have as much family and that which is familar to him might prove to be better for him in the longer run.

JMHO... I hope you and your family finds the solution that works best for you.
-- Edited on 1/24/13 3:22 PM --

------
Forgiveness does not excuse the behaviour. It prevents the behaviour from breaking your heart over and over again.

Plottie

Plottie
Intermediate
AUSTRALIA
Member since 3/19/07
Posts: 303
online now
Login to reply to this post

Date: 1/24/13 5:07 PM

Caring for aging parents is a privilege, but not without it's own challenges. How lucky your father is to have a family that is concerned for him & trying to help him. I can offer little in the way of practical advice as our countries have different arrangements etc, but your family is in my thoughts while you make your decisions. Your sister sounds a very kind person, but if she takes your father will she have support networks of her own? Will she have access to respite care for him, or someone to look after him if she wants a weekend away. Please make sure that she is looked after too.

It is such a hard thing to do, and it doesn't matter which way you turn, you end up feeling that you've made the wrong decision (we are going through a similar situation at the moment).

Hugs to you and your family while you deal with this

------
Blue Mountains, NSW

NancyZL
NancyZL  Friend of PR
Intermediate
NJ USA
Member since 6/18/08
Posts: 401
Login to reply to this post

In reply to sewme47 <<
thumbsup 1 member likes this.


Date: 1/24/13 5:35 PM

Having done this with my sister I believe that your sister will need respite care herself . We found an adult day care program with a sliding fee scale which helped us
manage. So I would look for something like that. My dad did not go every day but gave me a needed break & gave him some socialization. Its very difficult & one has to be flexible. If your sister has her own family she needs their input also. Take care.

sewme47
star
sewme47
Intermediate
IL USA
Member since 8/28/08
Posts: 725
Login to reply to this post

thumbsup 2 members like this.
Date: 1/24/13 8:46 PM

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. I don't know what we'll decide, but one good thing about the situation is that my sisters and I have been talking on a daily basis (we are all in different areas of the country.) We always make each other laugh! And we all have Dad's sense of humor.

I'm going to have to accept that there isn't one correct answer...more like a series of decisions to be made as Dad's condition changes.
Thank you,

------
A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand.

Go to Page:
Please LOGIN or Join PatternReview
printable version Printable Version

* Advertising and soliciting is strictly prohibited on PatternReview.com. If you find a post which is not in agreement with our Terms and Conditions, please click on the Report Post button to report it. Miscellaneous >> Taking care of Dad

Merchants on PR
Lanetzliving Vintage Sewing Patterns
Vintage Sewing Patterns
Deals!
Style Arc sewing dress patterns
Patterns That Fit
Web site
Victoria Jones Collection
Timeless Hawaiian styles
Web site
So Vintage Patterns
Thank You for Joining!
Deals!
Fitz Like a Glove Ironing Board Cover
Made In Australia
Deals!

Copyright © 2014 PatternReview.com® , OSATech, Inc. All rights reserved.
Conditions of Use | Posting Guidelines | Privacy Policy | Contact Us
Online Sewing Classes
10 Clever Techniques To Help You Sew Like a Pro
Fee: $49.00
(Regular $49.00)
10 Clever Techniques To Help You Sew Like a Pro

Online Sewing Classes
Restyling with Exposed Zippers
Fee: $29.00
(Regular $49.00)
Restyling with Exposed Zippers

Simplicity 4077
photo
Review by Jackie02 on 11/19/08
Read Review

Burda 8376 Pattern
Burda 8376 Pattern

Details
Price: $11.95
Add to Bag Add to Bag

McCalls 6612 Pattern ( Size 18W-20W-22W-24W )
McCalls 6612 Pattern ( Size 18W-20W-22W-24W )

Details
Price: $18.95
Add to Bag Add to Bag

Burda 9826 Skirt
photo
Review by KathleenS on 9/10/05
Read Review

Blank Slate Lazy Day Pajamas Digital Pattern
Blank Slate Lazy Day Pajamas Digital Pattern

Details
Price: $7.95
Add to Bag Add to Bag

Peek-A Boo Victoria Fur Trim Hat and Muff Digital Pattern ( Size newborn - child )
Peek-A Boo Victoria Fur Trim Hat and Muff Digital Pattern ( Size newborn - child )

Details
Price: $4.99
Add to Bag Add to Bag

Sewing Workshop Equinox Jacket Pattern
Sewing Workshop Equinox Jacket Pattern

Details
Price: $22.95
Add to Bag Add to Bag

THE COLLARS - A CD Book by Kenneth King
THE COLLARS - A CD Book by Kenneth King

Details
Price: $24.95
Add to Bag Add to Bag

Subscribe to PR Message Board Feed Subscribe to the PR Message Board Feed Add to My Yahoo! Subscribe at NewsGator Online Subscribe at Bloglines Add to MyMSN