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Message Board > Miscellaneous > If you had children ( Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews, CynthiaSue)

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If you had children
do you ever wish you had had more?
rivergum
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rivergum
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Date: 5/31/13 6:40 PM

This is a question directed at women old enough for their children to be grown. It is not a question about whether to have children or not.

I have a daughter and a son, who have grown into lovely people and are now in their 30ies, and I have a close and very important relationship with both of them. Possibly because I enjoy my grown children so much, I really wish I had had 3 or 4.

The reason I didn't t was cost, difficulty of working with more than 2 children and other practical considerations. I still think that these were totally valid reasons.

I'm not saying that I should have had more children, or that other people should have more children, but I would be interested to find out if my regrets are common among older women.
-- Edited on 5/31/13 6:43 PM --

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BriarRose
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Date: 5/31/13 6:51 PM

Nope. I grew up with the ecology movement of the sixties and seventies and embraced the concept of Stop at Two by the time I was thirteen.

I am blessed with a boy and a girl and have not a thing to complain about, especially since one has produced a most beautiful grandchild.

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I've quit fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

SunnyAlta
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Date: 5/31/13 6:59 PM

We are very happy with 2 sons. No regrets!

DH was an older sibling in a large family. He knew how expensive raising kids can be. 2 was just right for us.

a7yrstitch
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a7yrstitch  Friend of PR
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In reply to rivergum <<
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Date: 5/31/13 7:03 PM

Meditating on an edited response.
-- Edited on 5/31/13 7:07 PM --

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I have no idea what Apple thought I was saying so be a Peach and credit anything bizarre to auto correct.

ryan's mom
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Date: 5/31/13 7:10 PM

When I was working, some of my female coworkers were thrilled by the time I got to baby no. 3. At least two of them wished they would have had at least one more (both had two). One of my friends told me last year that she wished she would have had three. And I forgot about another friend who was debating with her husband about a vasectomy reversal (they had two). It was not a sure thing (the reversal) so they decided to scrap that idea.

So basically I've encountered a number of women who wished they had 3 in retrospect. I have four so I never wish for more. I have also noticed that my friends with one or two become more weepy when the final high school graduation is near. But I do think that is the difference between <3 and >3. My sister has 5 and we both commented that although we love our kids immensely, we can't wait until they're out the door lol. And we also comment on how people with smaller families look at us as if we are crazy for feeling that way.

I think the way your feeling is totally normal. Just like I think it's normal for people like me with larger families to be glad once their all off and on their own. My mom and dad had four kids and I think they were really happy once everyone moved out. Although there's a lot of love, there's just a lot of hard work that goes with it.

ETA, I'm counting the years on one hand for when my last one (14) heads off to college. I'm down to two kids at home all year and loving it.
-- Edited on 5/31/13 7:11 PM --

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tourist
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Date: 5/31/13 7:30 PM

Mine are 30 and 32 and indeed are lovely people. I just spent a nice few minutes having a facebook chat with DD, who is in Scotland. Having a boy and a girl is really nice. No wishing we had tried "just once more" at all. But it was DH who really didn't want more. I knew that by the time the youngest hit kindergarten I would wish for one more and I did.

I am lucky that I work in daycare, mostly with toddlers and now some babies so that gives me some contact with little ones. It helps keep what I call "grandmother lust" at bay. I am ready, but neither kid is in a place to produce any, so it is good that I have to keep working!

I did have some moments of wishing for one or two more when I spoke to a friend who has 4 recently, but only moments. Like the other wistful "gosh, maybe I should have...." moments a person gets. But by our age, we have learned to let that go.

------
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sewnlove

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Date: 5/31/13 7:39 PM

I have three. When I became pregnant with my third, I was 35, and loving every bit of being a Mom. Now my three are 27, 22, and 17. The youngest just graduated high school on Tuesday, and has been a hellish teen. The older two are a joy to be around. The younger not so much. So I guess I'm questioning the wisdom of having had that third child. But, I'm holding out hope that he will grow into a responsible, loving adult. He certainly is not there yet. Let's just say that when my son leaves for college in August, my husband and I will not shed a tear.

Rosews13
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Date: 5/31/13 7:58 PM

Nope! I have 2 grown girls....very grown at 43 and almost 40. I did get pregnant accidentally when the youngest was 13 and was NOT HAPPY! Turned out that the day I finally accepted the pregnancy at 5 months was 2 weeks before the baby died. Very difficult because my hormones were so screwed up for a very long time after that and I ended up with a VERY BAD anxiety disorder for years. I am just fine with 2 and don't know what I would have done with more at this time in life with lots extra responsibility with aging mother, brother in law, not to mention aging hubby and me.

My husband is from a family of 6, 3 are dead now and not the oldest but the middle 3. My youngest daughter says she is glad not to have more siblings because it's too hard when they start to get sick and die. The more kids, the more joy and the more pain also!

PattyE
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In reply to rivergum <<


Date: 5/31/13 8:16 PM

I've got 2 great boys - 28 & 24. I was firm about not wanting to have any more kids after I was 30. My youngest was born when I was 29 so I knew that was going to be the last and we've been fine with that.
I just heard a news report on tv last night saying more and more baby boomers in their early to mid-60's are adopting older kids.

wendyrb
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In reply to rivergum <<
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Date: 5/31/13 8:27 PM

Thank you for posing this poignant question. I am grateful beyond words to have my daughter. She was not at all easily come by. Then, at 8 weeks old, we had occasion to face letting her go. That agony and opening my hand in relinquishment, who knows why- we got a second chance. My cup runneth over. It's rare that I would speak to this in public and is a lot for me to say.

I'll go cut some fabric now.

------
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Andy Rooney

Pfonzie- my honey Pfaff Creative Performance, Bernina 930 and 830, Evolution serger.

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