Sponsors
Sponsors
Moms, how have you dealt with this? (Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews)
Posted on: 2/17/11 12:18 PM ET
I am not one to post much personal stuff on PR, but there is such a vast wealth of 'Mom' experience I thought I would reach out for some ideas 
My youngest is a 19 yo boy, the only kid left in the nest and the only boy. He is a great kid and has been a far easier teenager to raise than his sisters were, lol, though they were more independent and prepared for life at the same age. I think it is a 'boy' thing.
At any rate, this is my dilemma: 2-3 nights a week he gets together with a bunch of friends at the local game store to play games. Usually they are done by 11pm, but since he doesn't have a car and goes with friends, he is pretty much at their mercy as to when they leave. Once a month they have a 'draft' which is like a competition, and those nights can run really late, they have even turned into all nighters. ugggh
He is really good (most of the time) at being home when he says he will, but...
I have a really hard time getting to sleep until I *know* he is home. If he is out, I leave the hall light on because I can see the light around my bedroom door and he shuts it off when he gets home so I know he is back. It is a pretty good system but lately I am having a hard time not waking up every 30-60 minutes to see if the light is off and he is home.
He is your typical 'brainy geek', doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, has had the same wonderful GF for the last year, is very open with me about pretty much every topic (sometimes to my embarrassment, lol) and he is where he says he is.
I am not worried about him getting into trouble, I just can't sleep until I know he is home safe. Is this just a 'mom' thing? How have you all dealt with this?
Thanks!
------

My youngest is a 19 yo boy, the only kid left in the nest and the only boy. He is a great kid and has been a far easier teenager to raise than his sisters were, lol, though they were more independent and prepared for life at the same age. I think it is a 'boy' thing.
At any rate, this is my dilemma: 2-3 nights a week he gets together with a bunch of friends at the local game store to play games. Usually they are done by 11pm, but since he doesn't have a car and goes with friends, he is pretty much at their mercy as to when they leave. Once a month they have a 'draft' which is like a competition, and those nights can run really late, they have even turned into all nighters. ugggh
He is really good (most of the time) at being home when he says he will, but...
I have a really hard time getting to sleep until I *know* he is home. If he is out, I leave the hall light on because I can see the light around my bedroom door and he shuts it off when he gets home so I know he is back. It is a pretty good system but lately I am having a hard time not waking up every 30-60 minutes to see if the light is off and he is home.
He is your typical 'brainy geek', doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, has had the same wonderful GF for the last year, is very open with me about pretty much every topic (sometimes to my embarrassment, lol) and he is where he says he is.
I am not worried about him getting into trouble, I just can't sleep until I know he is home safe. Is this just a 'mom' thing? How have you all dealt with this?
Thanks!
------
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” -Mahatma Gandhi
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
Posted on: 2/17/11 12:27 PM ET
My oldest is 7, so take this with a pinch of salt, but I know my mother has still not gotten over the need to keep an eye out on who's home or not, and we have all moved out, and the 'baby' is 28!
------
------
Reading from Europe
Posted on: 2/17/11 12:33 PM ET
In reply to tg33
Oh nooooooo! lol
------
------
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” -Mahatma Gandhi
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
Board Moderator
Member since 7/1/08
Posts: 5331
Member since 7/1/08
Posts: 5331
Massachusetts USA
Skill: Advanced
Skill: Advanced
Posted on: 2/17/11 12:33 PM ET
I think you are going to get a lot of different answers on this one! I never worried about my kids, I slept easily. They'd usually come in and tell me - "I'm home" when they did finally arrived.
My sister is just the opposite. She cannot even go to bed until the last child is in the house! The sad part is her youngest is 25 and she's losing a bunch of sleep.
I think you have to do what you're comfortable with. Set up a system with him so that you can relax enough to at least doze until he's in the house. Congratulations on raising such a responsible child.
------
My sister is just the opposite. She cannot even go to bed until the last child is in the house! The sad part is her youngest is 25 and she's losing a bunch of sleep.

I think you have to do what you're comfortable with. Set up a system with him so that you can relax enough to at least doze until he's in the house. Congratulations on raising such a responsible child.

------
Sewing: A creative mess is better than tidy idleness. ~Author Unknown
Posted on: 2/17/11 12:47 PM ET
In reply to Sharon1952
Thanks Sharon 
The light in the hall was supposed to help, lol.
I think part of the problem is that we have the phone ringer off in the bedroom and it makes me nervous that I won't get a call in an emergency. DH has to get up at 5am so he is usually in bed by 10 and ALL of the kids have been known to call later than that, hence the ringer being off. I might have to rethink that one, maybe taking the cordless in with me when I go to bed.
------

The light in the hall was supposed to help, lol.
I think part of the problem is that we have the phone ringer off in the bedroom and it makes me nervous that I won't get a call in an emergency. DH has to get up at 5am so he is usually in bed by 10 and ALL of the kids have been known to call later than that, hence the ringer being off. I might have to rethink that one, maybe taking the cordless in with me when I go to bed.
------
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” -Mahatma Gandhi
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
Posted on: 2/17/11 1:02 PM ET
In reply to Heidi Cooper
Do you have a cell phone? You can have it by your bedside and ask your kids not to use it after 10 PM unless there is an emergency or to text you that they are home.
Last winter when my 30-something DD was doing the online dating thing, even though she had a check-in system with a couple of her girlfriends, she would text me when she got home if it was a new guy or someone she felt she did not know well. Note that she lives a good 300 miles away but you know... I was just a little concerned about her meeting and being with someone neither she nor her friends knew anything about. Maybe the text thing was a bit much, especially since she and some of her girlfriends did have their own check-in system at work (I was sooo pleased when she told me such a thing existed), but it did give me some peace of mind.
Anyway, I was sleeping lightly at the time and found that the ring tones assigned to my text messaging were enough for me to hear but not something that disturbed DH.
Like Sharon, myy hat is off to you for raising such a responsible kid. Your youngest son sounds like the kind of child we'd all be happy to have in our families.
------
Last winter when my 30-something DD was doing the online dating thing, even though she had a check-in system with a couple of her girlfriends, she would text me when she got home if it was a new guy or someone she felt she did not know well. Note that she lives a good 300 miles away but you know... I was just a little concerned about her meeting and being with someone neither she nor her friends knew anything about. Maybe the text thing was a bit much, especially since she and some of her girlfriends did have their own check-in system at work (I was sooo pleased when she told me such a thing existed), but it did give me some peace of mind.
Anyway, I was sleeping lightly at the time and found that the ring tones assigned to my text messaging were enough for me to hear but not something that disturbed DH.
Like Sharon, myy hat is off to you for raising such a responsible kid. Your youngest son sounds like the kind of child we'd all be happy to have in our families.
------
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin
"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown
“Be curious, not judgmental.” Ted Lasso
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin
"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown
“Be curious, not judgmental.” Ted Lasso
PR Weekend Organizer
Contest Committee
Member since 12/31/03
Posts: 3011
Contest Committee
Member since 12/31/03
Posts: 3011
Ontario Canada
Skill: Advanced
Skill: Advanced
Posted on: 2/17/11 1:07 PM ET
Heidi, I do think you would sleep more easily if you had the phone with the ringer on!
One suggestion I have heard is to set an alarm clock outside your room -but where you can hear it- set for whatever time he is supposed to be home- say midnight. Then when he comes home he turns it off- so you only have to worry if it goes off! That trick is mostly for curfew issues though- and I think that you are more concerned about the mom thing.
You may have the issue of instead of checking the light, checking the alarm clock though!
We raised 5 girls, all of whom were quite responsible, but of course there were the odd slip ups and miscommunications. It helped that our bedroom windows overlook the driveway and parking area of our house, and after a while I got used to hearing a car drive up and it registering in my asleep mind that 1,2, 3,4.....5 kids were home!
It sounds like you've got a pretty darn good kid there- I'd echo finding a "I'm home safe" signal that you can both be comfortable with and relaxing!
------
One suggestion I have heard is to set an alarm clock outside your room -but where you can hear it- set for whatever time he is supposed to be home- say midnight. Then when he comes home he turns it off- so you only have to worry if it goes off! That trick is mostly for curfew issues though- and I think that you are more concerned about the mom thing.
You may have the issue of instead of checking the light, checking the alarm clock though!
We raised 5 girls, all of whom were quite responsible, but of course there were the odd slip ups and miscommunications. It helped that our bedroom windows overlook the driveway and parking area of our house, and after a while I got used to hearing a car drive up and it registering in my asleep mind that 1,2, 3,4.....5 kids were home!
It sounds like you've got a pretty darn good kid there- I'd echo finding a "I'm home safe" signal that you can both be comfortable with and relaxing!
------
Connie Bontje
Facebook: Connie Bontje
Desperately trying to keep ahead of my pattern, fabric and dressform collection!
Facebook: Connie Bontje
Desperately trying to keep ahead of my pattern, fabric and dressform collection!
Posted on: 2/17/11 1:14 PM ET
I think you are both right re: the phone thing. The cell phone sounds like a good option especially since my kids hardly ever call it because I hardly ever answer it, lol. The ringer on it can also be turned way down, I will just have to remember to keep it charged otherwise it beeps constantly when the battery is low 
------

------
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” -Mahatma Gandhi
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
“ Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Now Blogging at http://sewexotic.blogspot.com/
Posted on: 2/17/11 1:26 PM ET
I was going to suggest what Eleanor did. If you have a cell phone but don't want the ringer to disturb anyone sleeping, can you set it on vibrate and lay it beside you in the bed, just under your pillow,or in a pocket?
I have two sons. They are now 31 and 26. I went though what you are going through, when they lived at home. I think the biggest problem you and your son have, is his dependence on someone else getting him home.
I don't think it's so much "letting go", it's just worrying about the safety your child. Something we are going to do for the rest of our lives. What are the chances of him taking the family car on those nights?
I have two sons. They are now 31 and 26. I went though what you are going through, when they lived at home. I think the biggest problem you and your son have, is his dependence on someone else getting him home.
I don't think it's so much "letting go", it's just worrying about the safety your child. Something we are going to do for the rest of our lives. What are the chances of him taking the family car on those nights?
Posted on: 2/17/11 1:44 PM ET
I'm going to make the assumption he is playing Magic -- I'm in a family of Magic players.
Cell phone under your pillow when you go to bed on vibrate should do the trick -- won't wake up DH and you should hear/feel it should he have to call for an emergency.
It's never easy -- from a mom of 3 kids (1 girl and 2 boys -- 32, 30 and 29 now).
------
Cell phone under your pillow when you go to bed on vibrate should do the trick -- won't wake up DH and you should hear/feel it should he have to call for an emergency.
It's never easy -- from a mom of 3 kids (1 girl and 2 boys -- 32, 30 and 29 now).
------
Sheila
"sewing very slowly to fill an empty closet"
Stash Tally: net +46.375 yds (2014 to 2020); net +48.0 (2021); net +57.125 (2022); net +109.875 (2023)- Stash Tally 2024: 77.5 yds out/90.375 yds in (net + 12.875 yds)
2025 Stash Busting:
0 yds sewn (as of 01/01/25)
0 yds purchased/received (as of 01/01/25)
"sewing very slowly to fill an empty closet"
Stash Tally: net +46.375 yds (2014 to 2020); net +48.0 (2021); net +57.125 (2022); net +109.875 (2023)- Stash Tally 2024: 77.5 yds out/90.375 yds in (net + 12.875 yds)
2025 Stash Busting:
0 yds sewn (as of 01/01/25)
0 yds purchased/received (as of 01/01/25)
* Advertising and soliciting is strictly prohibited on PatternReview.com. If you find a post which is not in agreement with our Terms and Conditions, please click on the Report Post button to report it.
Selected Reviews, Classes & Patterns
Fancy Frocks Fabrics
Fine Designer Fabrics
Fine Designer Fabrics









