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Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews
Posted on: 6/21/16 2:37 PM ET
I just wanted to take a straw poll about how people feel when they are making a life changing financial decision.
For me at this moment, this means buying a house. Something I have considered doing for the last couple of years but never found somewhere that I could see myself. Which for me meant it just wasn't right.
I've had an offer formally accepted and need to arrange a survey. I feel like I should be really excited, happy the search is over and that its great its for a price that is within budget and that I didn't have to go in to a bidding war.
Instead, my head is focused on all the things that could go wrong, what is the survey going to show and oh my goodness, I have lived in my rented house for over 10 years and I find it so hard to imagine moving. Even though the new house is the best out of everything I have viewed.
I'd like to class myself as a sensible person who is financially pretty conservative. So the thought of putting the vast majority of my savings (I would keep a rainy day pot) in to something feels...strange. To put it in to context, I have never seen this money, benefitted from it other than its existence (I was lucky to inherit and have not spent it).
I have told myself that even if something dreadful happened it would be very difficult for me to go in to negative equity due to what I would be investing. I'm someone who finds change difficult and uncomfortable. It is not something I look forwards to and I think back to when I bought my last car (the nearest comparable in size outlay) and felt the same. Excited only when I brought it home after the negotiations were complete and the money paid.
Is it normal to feel like that? maybe I have watched too many house buying programs where the buyer is always excited. Or maybe I am someone who doesn't easily get carried away! I know how lucky I am in many respects and count my blessings. It would be comforting to know other people feel as I do.....
For me at this moment, this means buying a house. Something I have considered doing for the last couple of years but never found somewhere that I could see myself. Which for me meant it just wasn't right.
I've had an offer formally accepted and need to arrange a survey. I feel like I should be really excited, happy the search is over and that its great its for a price that is within budget and that I didn't have to go in to a bidding war.
Instead, my head is focused on all the things that could go wrong, what is the survey going to show and oh my goodness, I have lived in my rented house for over 10 years and I find it so hard to imagine moving. Even though the new house is the best out of everything I have viewed.
I'd like to class myself as a sensible person who is financially pretty conservative. So the thought of putting the vast majority of my savings (I would keep a rainy day pot) in to something feels...strange. To put it in to context, I have never seen this money, benefitted from it other than its existence (I was lucky to inherit and have not spent it).
I have told myself that even if something dreadful happened it would be very difficult for me to go in to negative equity due to what I would be investing. I'm someone who finds change difficult and uncomfortable. It is not something I look forwards to and I think back to when I bought my last car (the nearest comparable in size outlay) and felt the same. Excited only when I brought it home after the negotiations were complete and the money paid.
Is it normal to feel like that? maybe I have watched too many house buying programs where the buyer is always excited. Or maybe I am someone who doesn't easily get carried away! I know how lucky I am in many respects and count my blessings. It would be comforting to know other people feel as I do.....
Posted on: 6/21/16 2:57 PM ET
Buying a house is a big step, and I think it is normal to feel nervous about what you are doing. After all, this is probably one of the biggest purchases you will make in your entire life. I think it is also one of the most sensible purchases you will make in your entire life. Essentially, you will now be paying yourself--not your landlord--every month. This is a good thing! You are building financial security with a very durable asset. Be proud of what you are doing.
You mentioned that you are using $$$ that you inherited. I did a similar thing to purchase the house that I/we live in now. I know my mother would approve of the choice I made, and thus, it is like a tribute to her. She taught me a lot about how to manage money and how to manage our household. I miss my mother, but I greatly appreciate everything she did for me while she was alive. I placed a kinetic sculpture in the yard that reminds me of her (because I know she would have liked its bright colors and erratic movements).
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You mentioned that you are using $$$ that you inherited. I did a similar thing to purchase the house that I/we live in now. I know my mother would approve of the choice I made, and thus, it is like a tribute to her. She taught me a lot about how to manage money and how to manage our household. I miss my mother, but I greatly appreciate everything she did for me while she was alive. I placed a kinetic sculpture in the yard that reminds me of her (because I know she would have liked its bright colors and erratic movements).
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Bongoramsey
Posted on: 6/21/16 3:10 PM ET
In reply to rmusic1
I think it's very normal to feel as you're feeling. I'm also a person not fond of major changes, but change isn't always bad. In fact, a lot of the time, it turns out very good. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." If you want something different from what you've always had, then you have to be open to change.
This may be a helpful way for you to think of owning a home: if you're paying with a mortgage, think of it as still renting--from the bank. The bank really owns the house, you just rent it from the bank until the loan is paid back, but you get to call it yours.
Anyway, that's how I always thought of it when I owned a home. It was fun, I could decorate any way I wanted, it was less expensive than rent in my area, and it built equity!!
As Mr. O'Hara said to Scarlet, "The only thing that lasts is land." They're not making any more of it. It sounds like you're making a sensible decision. You don't have to be thrilled yet; it is a scary prospect, and there are a lot of things to owning that you don't have to worry about when you're renting. But it's a very satisfying feeling to walk into your new home and know that it's yours, it's building equity, and the rent won't ever be raised.
Good luck!
-- Edited on 6/21/16 at 3:12 PM --
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This may be a helpful way for you to think of owning a home: if you're paying with a mortgage, think of it as still renting--from the bank. The bank really owns the house, you just rent it from the bank until the loan is paid back, but you get to call it yours.
Anyway, that's how I always thought of it when I owned a home. It was fun, I could decorate any way I wanted, it was less expensive than rent in my area, and it built equity!! As Mr. O'Hara said to Scarlet, "The only thing that lasts is land." They're not making any more of it. It sounds like you're making a sensible decision. You don't have to be thrilled yet; it is a scary prospect, and there are a lot of things to owning that you don't have to worry about when you're renting. But it's a very satisfying feeling to walk into your new home and know that it's yours, it's building equity, and the rent won't ever be raised.
Good luck!
-- Edited on 6/21/16 at 3:12 PM --
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Fearless Sewing
fear less = sew more
fear less = sew more
Posted on: 6/21/16 3:34 PM ET
I don't have much wisdom to offer here, but just wanted to let you know I sympathize, as we're currently in the process of buying a house as well! This will be my first time buying a house, but my fiance has done this before, which definitely helps.
We're also getting married this summer. And I'm trying to help my parents find a nursing home.
So, you know, lots of life going on


It definitely helps to remember that you've done the homework, and to just take it step by step. Fear is natural, but on the other side of fear is the excitement.
We're also getting married this summer. And I'm trying to help my parents find a nursing home.
So, you know, lots of life going on



It definitely helps to remember that you've done the homework, and to just take it step by step. Fear is natural, but on the other side of fear is the excitement.
Posted on: 6/21/16 4:05 PM ET
In reply to rmusic1
I am a retired real estate broker and what you are feeling is completely normal. While I had left the business before my two sons bought their homes I can tell you for sure they felt the same as you do - but the day of taking possession was the exact opposite.
Wait for it!!
Wait for it!!
Posted on: 6/21/16 5:04 PM ET
In reply to rmusic1
Quote: rmusic1
I've had an offer formally accepted and need to arrange a survey. I feel like I should be really excited, happy the search is over and that its great its for a price that is within budget and that I didn't have to go in to a bidding war.
I've had an offer formally accepted and need to arrange a survey. I feel like I should be really excited, happy the search is over and that its great its for a price that is within budget and that I didn't have to go in to a bidding war.
Millions of buyers would love to be in your position. Arrange your survey (structural, I hope) and wait for the report. In the meantime start planning any changes you want to make and decoration.
In 30 years, I have only bought three flats but have been lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and I know it.
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With rights come duties and obligations
Posted on: 6/21/16 6:00 PM ET
All normal. I remember buying our first home and lying awake at night thinking about what could go wrong. Just before that my friend bought her first home and did the same. Our last home purchase included some unexpected unemployment and involved more wakeful nights. Life is often unpredictable and we can't control everything. It always helps me to have a mental Plan B, planning for what I would do if my fears come true. After that I just do my best to "let go," thinking that whatever will be, will be.
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Canada Plant Hardiness Zone 5b
USDA Zone 4
USDA Zone 4
Posted on: 6/21/16 7:01 PM ET
Very normal. When I was feeling that way a friend reminded me of the alternative - pay someone else rent every month for the rest of my life.
Posted on: 6/21/16 7:33 PM ET
We are in the midst of buying our 7th house and so I've been through this many times before. But I still feel not very excited. I'm excited about the thought of getting in to the house and having so many features that we wanted (a big kitchen, a designated sewing space), but I dread the thought of moving, and upsetting everything in life. I dread saying goodbye to our neighbours, and to just trying to get a house into shape. I've become like my cats, I like 'same'. It's normal :)
Something to keep in mind is that although you will have negative equity, you are putting your money into something that generally does not decline in value. You've been renting, which doesn't give you any equity at all. Now when you write that cheque each money you will be gaining capital - something concrete - that you will own. There is great pride in knowing that you own something!
Something to keep in mind is that although you will have negative equity, you are putting your money into something that generally does not decline in value. You've been renting, which doesn't give you any equity at all. Now when you write that cheque each money you will be gaining capital - something concrete - that you will own. There is great pride in knowing that you own something!
Posted on: 6/21/16 10:05 PM ET
In reply to rmusic1
Imho, there is nothing wrong with how you feel....I am the same when buying/selling a house/car/etc, but moreso a house because it's a larger purchase.
Considering what can go wrong, just means you are looking at the 'whole' decision and this is how I look at major decisions too. Is it the right way? ....who knows, but for me it is, because I like to look at all possible options and scenarios so I don't miss something that might be really obvious and cause me to regret that decision later.
As others have said, paying your own mortgage as against paying another person's makes total sense...even better when it's an inheritance as I'm sure the person who gifted the money would be very happy that you are doing something tangible with it rather than fritter it away on meaningless items.
I don't know anyone who likes to pack up and move house...but...once you re-settle that part is pushed to the back of your mind and you can enjoy being in your own house and doing what you want.
I know that I get the 'last minute jitters' every time, but I've learned to trust my gut instinct and it will all be OK in the end....btw, my gut instinct has never let me down and I think the jitters just makes me sit back and go through everything once more. It's more difficult if you don't have family/friends/etc to talk things through, but then sometimes they don't 'get it' and aren't much help anyway. LOL
All the best with the rest of your journey, you will enjoy making new curtains/cushions/etc etc to put your own personal touch on the house and enjoy it for many years to come.
Considering what can go wrong, just means you are looking at the 'whole' decision and this is how I look at major decisions too. Is it the right way? ....who knows, but for me it is, because I like to look at all possible options and scenarios so I don't miss something that might be really obvious and cause me to regret that decision later.
As others have said, paying your own mortgage as against paying another person's makes total sense...even better when it's an inheritance as I'm sure the person who gifted the money would be very happy that you are doing something tangible with it rather than fritter it away on meaningless items.
I don't know anyone who likes to pack up and move house...but...once you re-settle that part is pushed to the back of your mind and you can enjoy being in your own house and doing what you want.
I know that I get the 'last minute jitters' every time, but I've learned to trust my gut instinct and it will all be OK in the end....btw, my gut instinct has never let me down and I think the jitters just makes me sit back and go through everything once more. It's more difficult if you don't have family/friends/etc to talk things through, but then sometimes they don't 'get it' and aren't much help anyway. LOL
All the best with the rest of your journey, you will enjoy making new curtains/cushions/etc etc to put your own personal touch on the house and enjoy it for many years to come.
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