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Member since 4/16/04
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Posted on: 2/28/06 1:14 PM ET
My stepson is a missionary is Kenya and married a lovely young Kenyan women on a mountain top on Saturday. Sadly we weren't able to attend but will have a reception when they return to the states this summer for a few months this summer. My new DDIL will be in a new country with people she doesn't know and I want to make things as cozy for her as I can. She speaks english but I am picking up a few words of Swahili.

My stepson is wonderful but getting detailed information out of young men is like pulling teeth. Under interrogation I did discover she is learning to quilt and sent her some quilting fabrics in her favorite colors. I do know her family is more westernized than the average African family.

So, is anyone familiar with the culture and customs of the area?
-- Edited on 2/28/06 1:16 PM --
-- Edited on 2/28/06 1:18 PM --
  
Member since 3/26/03
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Posted on: 2/28/06 1:46 PM ET
How exciting that you have a new daughter-in-law. Chances are just being loving and welcoming will help make her feel at home. Communicating your acceptance of her and their marriage is probably the best way to make her feel at home, regardless of culture. She is probably excited to learn about American culture since she married an American, and she may be nervous about meeting the family.
Since Kenya is a tribal country, so there are many different people groups within the nation. Here is a link that describes some of the different people groups in Kenya. Look to the left of the page and scroll through the listings under Eastern Afirca.
Here is a link that describes Kenya's demographic make-up/ As you can see, it is pretty diverse.
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Patty
  
Member since 9/15/05
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Posted on: 2/28/06 2:01 PM ET
Wow, I can't help on that one but congratulations! She sounds lovely (well, she's a quilter, so of course I just assume she's lovely ). I agree with PattyU, being friendly and kind will go a long way (although if you're the loud gushy friendly type like my family, you may want to tone it down until you get a feel for her reaction!). If she feels you're making an effort to be sensitive to her responses and reactions to your family, she'll appreciate it.
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kristine

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Posted on: 2/28/06 4:06 PM ET
Do you have a local intercultural society? They would probably have some resources for you.

As stated above there are many cultures, languages and tribal groups in Kenya, and some do not get along with each other, so you will want to make sure you are checking out her particular culture and faith.

Will she have to wait to get a Visa? A friend of ours from Kenya had to wait over a year to get her Visa to enter the US, even though her husband is American. They met and married in Canada and had their first child here. They now live near Chicago.
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Posted on: 2/28/06 4:11 PM ET
In reply to Michelle T
It took us only about three months to get my DH a visa, but we had been married for over two years, had two children and applied at the consulate overseas... and the immigration lady in the consulate decided that I just needed to go home and she was going to send me. I think it takes quite a while if you're newly married, but it's certainly workable. If possible (and she's applying for residency-- not actually the impression I got from your post), encourage her to do it overseas with her husband present. That seems to make things go faster. In my case, we were dealing with an office that saw maybe a few hundred cases a year, as opposed to the offices here in the US that see hundreds of thousands of cases each year.

Ok, sorry to ramble. Hope they are very very happy in whatever country the decide to live.
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kristine

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"People all over the world, join in -- on the Love Train, Love Train..." ~the O'Jays
  
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Posted on: 2/28/06 4:27 PM ET
I will ask my sister when she gets back from her trip to Panama. I believe she spent a chunk of time in Kenya.
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Big 4 Pattern size 12, RTW bottom: 6, RTW jacket 8, RTW top (no size fits me well!)
Measurements: 34 HB/36 FB (34C bra)/27.5/36 (and working hard to keep it that way.)
Machines: Sewing: Elna 760, vintage Kenmore Model 33 (1967), Janome Gem Gold 3, Singer Model 99, Singer 221/Featherweight, Bernina 1630. Sergers: Babylock Enlighten and Babylock Ovation. Embroidery Only: Janome 300E. Embroidery/Sewing Combo: Brother Dream machine. Straight Stitch: Janome 1600P.
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Posted on: 2/28/06 5:02 PM ET
Cathy, Try checking with U of L. It's a big enough school that they may have an international student center or similar office that might be able to assist. You might also want to check with the Southern Baptist Seminary in Louisville. Even if your DSS isn't a Baptist missionary, I would think they would have resources since they're evangelical.

At the very least, they could possibly provide some reference materials &/or links to further information.
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Member since 11/3/03
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Posted on: 2/28/06 5:34 PM ET
In reply to Cathy Loves Fabric
Cathy, no advice from me (you've gotten some good advice already ) but I just wanted to say that from seeing you here on PR I am sure that you will do and say exactly the right thing to make your DDIL feel accepted and loved!
Have fun getting to know her!

Nora
  
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Posted on: 2/28/06 9:30 PM ET
Wow, you guys had some great advice about resources! There is a Christian African group that meets at a local church that may be an excellent resource. I will check the links you provided and U of L is also an idea I didn't think of.

Oh, I already love her. If my wonderful stepson loves her than I know she is special and I am just overjoyed to have her. He met her at the Christian Bible college where he works so she is a Christian. And yes, Beangirl I am from one of those loud, overgussing families and will have to be careful not to scare her if she is from reserved people. Yes, my stepson has told me about the tribal society, but I can't quite grasp how that translates into behavior.

When my DBIL who is Muslim and from Iraq came into the picture it took us awhile to connect and understand each other. Saad was very understanding of my ignorance and faux pas. But this time I would like to be as informed as possible.

  
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Posted on: 2/28/06 9:46 PM ET
In reply to Cathy Loves Fabric
Cathy, you have a lovely-sounding multi-cultural family already and I think that you will do wonderfully with your new DDIL. (And the reason I mentioned the "loud" thing is that my DH is English and his family is very typically reserved-- at least, compared to my bonkers Irish family. He just still can't understand how my DM, DSis, DAuntie and I can all talk at the same time, at the top of our lungs, and know what everyone else said! Sheesh. I thought everyone could do that... My DMIL had a slightly bewildered and overwhelmed look on her face the entire two weeks she spent with my family as our first Xmas together. )
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kristine

quote of the day:

"People all over the world, join in -- on the Love Train, Love Train..." ~the O'Jays
  
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