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I've had enough (Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews)
Posted on: 8/7/06 8:37 PM ET
The other day when it was getting towards the last few minutes of work, a lady came in with her machine that she was having problems with. My co-worker and I went to the desk to look at the machine. My co-worker took the lead and sat down at the machine to see what was wrong. I stood behind the counter and looked on. I was curious to see what was wrong with the machine myself. My co-worker put the machine through it's paces and then she wound a bobbin, it sounded awful and got my attention. I wanted to see what it was doing so I moved over behind my co-worker. The owner of the machine excused herself to go to the restroom and I asked my coworker if we could take the bobbin seat off. She didn't look at me didn't say anything and got up and went to the register. I said one more thing to her regarding that but she said nothing. I figured that since it was getting late, she wanted to close out the register so we could go home and she'd completely walked away from the machine so I wrote up a repair ticket and put the machine in the service area. My co-worker still not speaking to me, but I assumed she was engrossed in counting out the receipts for the day so I went to go turn off the machines or talk to some of the people who were coming in for class. When I walked back to the desk, my co-worker, very angrily stated "I didn't need any help diagnosing that machine". I thought she was joking and I half laughed. I quickly realized she was serious and I told her that the only reason I finished writing up the ticket was because she got up from the machine and started working on the register. To this she said "Don't even go there" kinda loud and I know customers heard her. I told her that I was just trying to help get out on time but she wouldn't hear it and made reference to me always doing this and she doesn't know what I'm trying to do. I apologized to her that I may have done something to offend her but I really was trying to be helpful, to which she replied something like "whatever". I told her I wouldn't help her anymore and I left for the day.
The next day I wrote her a note to tell her that again I meant no harm but that I also didn't appreciate being spoken to in that manner and that we should be able to have a calm, rational discussion instead. Her reply to me was that nothing had happened and that I had blown it out of proportion and she refused to discuss it at all, because, she was at work!
The thing about this that really bothered me was that whatever I did wasn't a big deal and she blew it out of proportion and then later when I called her on her behavior I was blowing it out of proportion. Besides the fact that she's told me stories of how management has done the same thing to her and then pretended nothing happened and just how hurtful it was to her. I just really don't get people but I have had enough.
Edited to add: Sorry for the long post, I'm just so disappointed and had to get this off my chest.
-- Edited on 8/7/06 8:38 PM --
The next day I wrote her a note to tell her that again I meant no harm but that I also didn't appreciate being spoken to in that manner and that we should be able to have a calm, rational discussion instead. Her reply to me was that nothing had happened and that I had blown it out of proportion and she refused to discuss it at all, because, she was at work!
The thing about this that really bothered me was that whatever I did wasn't a big deal and she blew it out of proportion and then later when I called her on her behavior I was blowing it out of proportion. Besides the fact that she's told me stories of how management has done the same thing to her and then pretended nothing happened and just how hurtful it was to her. I just really don't get people but I have had enough.
Edited to add: Sorry for the long post, I'm just so disappointed and had to get this off my chest.
-- Edited on 8/7/06 8:38 PM --
Posted on: 8/7/06 8:54 PM ET
I think when you work closely with someone, little things mean kindly can seem like big offenses. She probably wanted to fix it herself and felt you intervened. So she snapped at you. Then you were offended at that and implied she was not rational. It can go on and on, but if you apologize to her, saying you're sorry you didn't realize she preferred to finish it out herself and didn't mean to imply that she couldn't and ask for her forgiveness, I'll bet things will smoothe over. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It just shows that you really do care about her and really weren't trying to diss her. Someone's gotta do it, and it's usually the more mature person who does.
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"puhPOjhu"--a river that sinks into a mountain with fury and winds around underground for miles before emerging in calm down the road...
Posted on: 8/7/06 8:59 PM ET
Melody,
Some people are just plain miserable. It's about them, not you. It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong.
I recently worked with a writer who was miserable and mean and did everything possible to push people away from her. (Much like your coworker.) I'd offer edits (part of my job to do, BTW) in the most cordial and polite way possible and often I would get a lashing back - words like "I am a professional" and other things to keep me offguard and walking on eggshells around her. And she wasn't a very good writer either and hated having her work edited. She took it as a personal affront.
Finally I quit trying to figure her out and figured that she was miserable. In fact, I started to feel sorry for her because whatever her life story dealt her, it had turned her into a miserable person.
I started doing my job and not walking on eggshells (with the support of my boss, who knew full well what she was like.) Eventually she quit and went to write (poorly) somewhere else.
Often to understand other people's meanness, I first check my own actions to make sure I didn't unwittingly do something to offend them, correct it if I did, and if I'm clean on my side of the street, I just move on and appreciate that I have a nice life. I try hard not to take it personally.
Hope that helps. I sure understand.
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Some people are just plain miserable. It's about them, not you. It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong.
I recently worked with a writer who was miserable and mean and did everything possible to push people away from her. (Much like your coworker.) I'd offer edits (part of my job to do, BTW) in the most cordial and polite way possible and often I would get a lashing back - words like "I am a professional" and other things to keep me offguard and walking on eggshells around her. And she wasn't a very good writer either and hated having her work edited. She took it as a personal affront.
Finally I quit trying to figure her out and figured that she was miserable. In fact, I started to feel sorry for her because whatever her life story dealt her, it had turned her into a miserable person.
I started doing my job and not walking on eggshells (with the support of my boss, who knew full well what she was like.) Eventually she quit and went to write (poorly) somewhere else.
Often to understand other people's meanness, I first check my own actions to make sure I didn't unwittingly do something to offend them, correct it if I did, and if I'm clean on my side of the street, I just move on and appreciate that I have a nice life. I try hard not to take it personally.
Hope that helps. I sure understand.
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Claire
~~~Sewing is my form of meditation, escape, and entertainment.~~~
~~~ I have no idea how many yards of fabric I've bought this year - I don't want to know. I just want to see my closet fill up with finished clothes I like and can wear. ~~~
~~~Sewing is my form of meditation, escape, and entertainment.~~~
~~~ I have no idea how many yards of fabric I've bought this year - I don't want to know. I just want to see my closet fill up with finished clothes I like and can wear. ~~~
Posted on: 8/7/06 9:13 PM ET
Melody, what I wouldn't do is continue acting sorry anymore. If she can't act mature enough to accept that, or discuss it with you, then she has more problems than an apology can cure.
Posted on: 8/7/06 9:16 PM ET
In reply to popoagiesmiles
I did that when it happened, I told her that I was sorry if I stepped on her toes and I didn't mean it at all but she wasn't hearing it. I was leaving at the end of the month, I just moved the end date up. I just really don't like having to walk on eggshells around someone for no reason. I hate conflict and I couldn't bear the thought of dealing with that at all. I hate that I let this incident change the course of events. I let this be my excuse for leaving to find a better job. I am disappointed that this happened at all. You are right, it was bound to happen, kind of a "too many cooks in the kitchen" thing. I'm hoping that she and I can smooth this out this week when I come in to give back my key and whatnot but I don't have a lot of faith that we will.
Posted on: 8/7/06 9:17 PM ET
I guess I would first consider - is she usually like this, or is this an aberration? If she is usually like this, don't lose any sleep. If not, maybe there are things going on in her life that are sending her stress levels over the top....In that case, try to get back to 'normal' ASAP - you apologized, you attempted to move on, what more can you do? Don't grovel!
Posted on: 8/7/06 9:23 PM ET
In reply to rosephreak
I really did check myself to make sure that I hadn't unwittingly been rude or presumptuous and I'm sure I didn't. I asked her a question about the machine after the customer walked away and that's when she got up, walked away and gave me the silent treatment. When I realized that's what she was doing (several minutes after this was over) I got mad. The thing is and I told her this, I didn't do anything different than I had over the year that we've worked together and I told her if something I've been doing all year bugs her she should tell me.
Posted on: 8/7/06 9:26 PM ET
In reply to Kristen
I wouldn't say this is an aberration, I haven't ever been the target before.
Posted on: 8/7/06 9:31 PM ET
Some people are just like that. We had one at work that you really had to stand up to sometimes, but magically she's no longer there.
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Marilyn
January 2009 to January 2010 81 yards out and 71yards in January 2010 to the present 106.7 yards out and 146.5 yards in. January 2011 to the present: 47 yards out and 69 yards in.
January 2009 to January 2010 81 yards out and 71yards in January 2010 to the present 106.7 yards out and 146.5 yards in. January 2011 to the present: 47 yards out and 69 yards in.
Posted on: 8/7/06 9:38 PM ET
Everyone, I really appreciate your taking the time to read this and reply to my issue. I'm so bothered by the whole thing because I hate to see things turn out like this. I really do hate conflict, I run from it like the plague.
It's funny earlier that day one of our old co-workers came by to have lunch with us and just hang out an she pulled me aside and asked me if the other woman and I were on the outs. I told her not at all, because we weren't as far as I was concerned. She later told me it seemed like she was mad at me. I do tend to be a little cluesless though, once I worked with a girl who had a bad cocaine addiction, I thought she had a lingering cold and kept bringing her herbal tea. Live and learn.
It's funny earlier that day one of our old co-workers came by to have lunch with us and just hang out an she pulled me aside and asked me if the other woman and I were on the outs. I told her not at all, because we weren't as far as I was concerned. She later told me it seemed like she was mad at me. I do tend to be a little cluesless though, once I worked with a girl who had a bad cocaine addiction, I thought she had a lingering cold and kept bringing her herbal tea. Live and learn.
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