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Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews
Posted on: 1/25/10 6:03 PM ET
Yesterday I'm at Joanns. My cutter was not paying attention as she was more intrested in talking to a friend of her's who was at the end of the counter waiting for her to get off work. She drug my black cotton on the floor, didn't cut one of my furs popperly, and wanted me to take the wonkie piece.
Anyway after I get to my car I check my recipet. She hadn't charged me for one of my expensive furs. Because I am an honest person, I go back in and go to the counter to have her make me a new cutting recipet for the piece she didn't charge me for. She gave me a "WTH" look of why you stupid idiot would you come back and actually PAY for my the item I just "gave" away. She just didn't get the whole "I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm tryign to be honest." Frankly nearly called me an idiot to my face, but I went and paid for it. Same thing happened at the register. I did get a nice thank you for the manager when I walked past him, but what is it with people they think you are an idiot because you actually did the right and honrable thing??!??
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Anyway after I get to my car I check my recipet. She hadn't charged me for one of my expensive furs. Because I am an honest person, I go back in and go to the counter to have her make me a new cutting recipet for the piece she didn't charge me for. She gave me a "WTH" look of why you stupid idiot would you come back and actually PAY for my the item I just "gave" away. She just didn't get the whole "I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm tryign to be honest." Frankly nearly called me an idiot to my face, but I went and paid for it. Same thing happened at the register. I did get a nice thank you for the manager when I walked past him, but what is it with people they think you are an idiot because you actually did the right and honrable thing??!??
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"Costume Tech's are overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated except to those designers, actors, directors, playwrights, and other theater artists who depend on them." - The Costume Technicians Handbook
Posted on: 1/25/10 6:07 PM ET
Because they wouldn't have done it, and they're hiding their guilt behind contempt.
Posted on: 1/25/10 6:40 PM ET
When my sister & I left home for college, Mom skipped the typical talk most of our friends got. Instead she said she had done the best she could and she expected we knew what was right and what was wrong and concluded with the parting shot, "when all is said & done, remember, you will have to live with yourself".
Which leads me to suspect, as Firecracker suggests, the people who thought you were crazy are spewing their own particular brand of venom.
BTW, it is very nice to know you....
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Which leads me to suspect, as Firecracker suggests, the people who thought you were crazy are spewing their own particular brand of venom.
BTW, it is very nice to know you....
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"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin
"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown
“Be curious, not judgmental.” Ted Lasso
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin
"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown
“Be curious, not judgmental.” Ted Lasso
Posted on: 1/25/10 7:00 PM ET
In reply to FirecrackerKTM
Quote: FirecrackerKTM
Because they wouldn't have done it, and they're hiding their guilt behind contempt.
Because they wouldn't have done it, and they're hiding their guilt behind contempt.
I love this answer - it is so succinct and so true.
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I rip what I sew.
Posted on: 1/25/10 7:34 PM ET
***********
-- Edited on 6/13/10 2:51 PM --
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-- Edited on 6/13/10 2:51 PM --
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From what others have said, the nasty message came from Fitting Woes, NOT Misc Hot Topics or the Civility thread.
Posted on: 1/25/10 7:37 PM ET
Oh I can't say I've NEVER kept something. I actually had a checker give me a bag that belonged to the lady ahead of me in line! I didn't find out until MUCH later, because hubby helped me put the groceries away, and weeks later I discovered a set of press on nails (which I've never purchased) in the vanity. I mean, what do you do then?
Posted on: 1/25/10 7:49 PM ET
I am on Firecracker's side...I brought groceries home one time when my family actually helped out things away. Well, the trash bags weren't put where I normally put them, so I thought that I had left them in the cart and went to the store...they told me to go get another box, no worries. Later in the week, I found the "missing" box of trash bags tucked behind other items. I went to the store for the next grocery run, I scanned another box of trash bags and instead of putting the box in my cart, put it back on the shelf......the manager happened to be working in that aisle and looked at me oddly. I explained to him what happened and he thanked me but added that it was a pleasant surprise since most people wouldn't have bothered.
Sad commentary as far as I'm concerned
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Sad commentary as far as I'm concerned
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research associate in the field of child development, married to an engineer
I am woman, I am invincible, I...am...TIRED!!
I am woman, I am invincible, I...am...TIRED!!
Posted on: 1/25/10 10:28 PM ET
In reply to shanntarra
shanntarra, you did the right thing. It is bizarre how people react to others. I had a similar thing happened that made me realise that being honest/thoughtful is not always appreciated.
Last Christmas a woman behind me in the checkout queue screamed that someone took her handbag. She was a pensioner and I totally felt horrid that she was not able to pay for her groceries, so as the checkout operator moved towards the woman's trolley I handed her $50 to give to the woman to at least buy some groceries.
Well - without hesitation the checkout operator said "what - did YOU steal it?" My daughters who were with me at the time were well aware that my act of kindness was seen as "an admission of guilt???". Totally bizarre. My kids and I are pretty generous and whilst living on a tight budget always give to the needy and charity. So imagine our shock when we were treated like this.
We left the store and just put it down to the staff member having a low opinion of fellow humans.
-- Edited on 1/26/10 8:23 PM --
Last Christmas a woman behind me in the checkout queue screamed that someone took her handbag. She was a pensioner and I totally felt horrid that she was not able to pay for her groceries, so as the checkout operator moved towards the woman's trolley I handed her $50 to give to the woman to at least buy some groceries.
Well - without hesitation the checkout operator said "what - did YOU steal it?" My daughters who were with me at the time were well aware that my act of kindness was seen as "an admission of guilt???". Totally bizarre. My kids and I are pretty generous and whilst living on a tight budget always give to the needy and charity. So imagine our shock when we were treated like this.
We left the store and just put it down to the staff member having a low opinion of fellow humans.

-- Edited on 1/26/10 8:23 PM --
Posted on: 1/25/10 11:44 PM ET
In reply to Em's Summer
Quote:
If I discover the mistake after I've already left the store, I usually let it go because I have heard that clerks can lose their jobs and get all kinds of reprimands for making mistakes like that. I used to automatically go back to fix the mistake, but ever since I heard about how badly some clerks are penalized for mistakenly undercharging, I don't bother as I wouldn't want someone to lose their job or be written up for under-ringing me, especially for an insignificant amount.
If I discover the mistake after I've already left the store, I usually let it go because I have heard that clerks can lose their jobs and get all kinds of reprimands for making mistakes like that. I used to automatically go back to fix the mistake, but ever since I heard about how badly some clerks are penalized for mistakenly undercharging, I don't bother as I wouldn't want someone to lose their job or be written up for under-ringing me, especially for an insignificant amount.
I know what you mean. I've seen situations *exactly* like that.

So, what I usually do is go back inside and apologize profusely and take the blame for the clerk's mistake ~ usually with the excuse that I "was chattering away so mindlessly and the clerk was just trying to be polite so I was a terrible distraction ... and you have such wonderful employees that make my shopping experience so amazing and KEEPS ME COMING BACK ~ you must be an AMAZING manager!!!" blah-blah-blah (which IS true).
Usually the response I get from management is a big ol' goofy grin (heck, why not? I just complimented him/her and the whole store AND assured him/her that I'll be back to spend more $$) and I've never heard of any backlash from it, yet.
Sure I end up taking the blame and looking like a boob, but it's the Sawthern Way dontchaknow. And yes, I usually do have my corn-pone 'n' grits accent going on and it makes the whole thing even more believable. ;)
ETA: Em, I don't know if you could "get away" with doing that ~ with my blonde highlights in, my eyebrows so over-plucked (looking like they're trying to escape up into my hairline ~ so I always have that "surprised" look going on), and then my Sawthurn drawl, people have NO problem believing that I'm a total ditz and goof.
I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that you're not normally taken for a ditz like I am!!!
-- Edited on 1/25/10 11:53 PM --
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Connie in Panama City Beach, Florida :)
"And these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through" ~ David Bowie, "Changes"
http://www.imsewverycreative.blogspot.com
Connie in Panama City Beach, Florida :)
"And these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through" ~ David Bowie, "Changes"
http://www.imsewverycreative.blogspot.com
Posted on: 1/25/10 11:50 PM ET
LOL! At KFC the other day, the clerk tried to give us another order duplicating the one they had already given us. I could have put it in the fridge for tomorrow, but I wouldn't do that of course.
About thirty years ago, I bought lingerie and found that they had accidentally given me a beautiful camisole. Of course, I took it back, but they just looked bewildered and were talking about it like it was almost a miracle.
It's true that there are many people who habitually dishonest, but as Idunna said to her daughters, "In the end, you'll have to live with yourself." I've made many decisions based on that.
For example, I chose to homeschool my son when he was much too advanced for anything the school had to offer. He was five. I was a single parent without outside support. People thought I was nuts, except the people who knew him and knew me well. I got all kinds of angry grief for giving up my high tech career to do this. We lived financially very much on the edge. It's a miracle I was able to buy a home. It's been hard on me. But, it's given me far greater joy than being a high tech hot shot ever could.
The other night, an old friend from grad school called me. He's a hot shot international consultant and an elite academic who travels the world giving keynote speaches. He was extremely well published before he was thirty. He used to beg me to get my Ph.D. so we would consult together. He said I was brilliant. I asked me to marry him six times when I wasn't dating him and finally got married but never had kids. He has never understood why I "wasted my life" homeschooling my son."
Well, every once in a blue moon he will call and we will just chat about work and family, his and mine, and have a few laughs. But, he is married and he keeps these talks few and far between, which is probably appropriate if he feels that way. One annoying thing is that he never fails to say, "You could have been a CEO, you could have been so well published. You would have been famous. You are so much smarter than the people I work encounter at all these award ceremonies. You'd blow them away. I always tell him that I'm much happier accomplishing the challenging things I've done rather than doing something that means nothing to me.
So, the other night, he called and casually asked me how I was doing, laughing at the touches of Texas accent that had crept into my voice rather than really paying attention to what I was saying. And, then he said it. He said, "You had so much potential. Oh, well, that's the way it goes." Unbelievable. So, I let the conversation slide onto parenting and how he and his brilliant professional wife have chosen not to have children. So, I, not one to strike back, nonetheless, said, "What if I had said to YOU, 'You had so much potential. Oh, well, that's the way it goes.'?" He didn't seem to understand, so I repeated it. He, a behavioral specialist, said, "Oh, yeah, I understand what that means."
I have been disappointed that this friend turned out so superficial. I always thought of him as very deep, sensitive, and dryly hilarious. But, it was so much about his CV and the praise and publications. Whenever I suggested that I could take his work and publish it in an accesible way, he said that his colleagues would belittle him for that.
It is true that there are people who are shocked when you do the right thing rather than what they THINK would in your favor. The lady at the fabric store assumed that piece of fabric would be more valuable than your conscience, and my friend thought academic and professional status should be more important to me than my son. I feel sorry for them both, but I don't waste my energy being upset with them. It is their loss.
I really do believe that in the end, if you do the right thing, even and perhaps especially when no one else knows you're doing it, you will come out ahead with peace and joy that is not possible with the weight of guilt over a selfish lifestyle.
About thirty years ago, I bought lingerie and found that they had accidentally given me a beautiful camisole. Of course, I took it back, but they just looked bewildered and were talking about it like it was almost a miracle.
It's true that there are many people who habitually dishonest, but as Idunna said to her daughters, "In the end, you'll have to live with yourself." I've made many decisions based on that.
For example, I chose to homeschool my son when he was much too advanced for anything the school had to offer. He was five. I was a single parent without outside support. People thought I was nuts, except the people who knew him and knew me well. I got all kinds of angry grief for giving up my high tech career to do this. We lived financially very much on the edge. It's a miracle I was able to buy a home. It's been hard on me. But, it's given me far greater joy than being a high tech hot shot ever could.
The other night, an old friend from grad school called me. He's a hot shot international consultant and an elite academic who travels the world giving keynote speaches. He was extremely well published before he was thirty. He used to beg me to get my Ph.D. so we would consult together. He said I was brilliant. I asked me to marry him six times when I wasn't dating him and finally got married but never had kids. He has never understood why I "wasted my life" homeschooling my son."
Well, every once in a blue moon he will call and we will just chat about work and family, his and mine, and have a few laughs. But, he is married and he keeps these talks few and far between, which is probably appropriate if he feels that way. One annoying thing is that he never fails to say, "You could have been a CEO, you could have been so well published. You would have been famous. You are so much smarter than the people I work encounter at all these award ceremonies. You'd blow them away. I always tell him that I'm much happier accomplishing the challenging things I've done rather than doing something that means nothing to me.
So, the other night, he called and casually asked me how I was doing, laughing at the touches of Texas accent that had crept into my voice rather than really paying attention to what I was saying. And, then he said it. He said, "You had so much potential. Oh, well, that's the way it goes." Unbelievable. So, I let the conversation slide onto parenting and how he and his brilliant professional wife have chosen not to have children. So, I, not one to strike back, nonetheless, said, "What if I had said to YOU, 'You had so much potential. Oh, well, that's the way it goes.'?" He didn't seem to understand, so I repeated it. He, a behavioral specialist, said, "Oh, yeah, I understand what that means."
I have been disappointed that this friend turned out so superficial. I always thought of him as very deep, sensitive, and dryly hilarious. But, it was so much about his CV and the praise and publications. Whenever I suggested that I could take his work and publish it in an accesible way, he said that his colleagues would belittle him for that.
It is true that there are people who are shocked when you do the right thing rather than what they THINK would in your favor. The lady at the fabric store assumed that piece of fabric would be more valuable than your conscience, and my friend thought academic and professional status should be more important to me than my son. I feel sorry for them both, but I don't waste my energy being upset with them. It is their loss.
I really do believe that in the end, if you do the right thing, even and perhaps especially when no one else knows you're doing it, you will come out ahead with peace and joy that is not possible with the weight of guilt over a selfish lifestyle.
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