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Member since 1/25/09
Posts: 5195
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Posted on: 12/11/10 6:42 PM ET
Ok my own made up name! But has anyone ever dealt with someone who seems unable to put together a plan, ie socially? They may suggest, allude, respond enthusiastically but when it comes down to take the ball and run - where's the ball?! (interesting analogy as it's a former ball player). Ok it's a man and yes, I am dating at this age. A good businessman, highly educated, when there is a plan he comes through 1000%. But "we should/we could" seems not to materialize more than not unless I instigate it or continue with definitive game plan. Always a good time, always enthusiastic and very appreciative.... But part of me says something's wrong here be suspicious (but almost always available) part says ok everyone has things they are just NOT good at...if it were putting the seat down but all the positives so outweighed it it's ok to be the one to put the seat down/make the plans. Another part (how many parts do we get?) says if it bugs you too much get out of it. I'm more the weigh the pros/cons type, though I did tell my bff if I am whining about this in 20yrs kick my but and remind me I knew at the onset.
But seriously, has anyone known someone enthusiastic about doing anything, always does their share and more - but just cannot seem to make it happen themselves???
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Member since 7/22/09
Posts: 793
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Posted on: 12/11/10 6:57 PM ET
There are people who are very challenged in terms of organizing and planning ahead. The term for those skills is "Executive Functioning":

On Executive Functioning

Problems with EF seem to overlap, or may be connected with, attentional disorders like ADD/ADHD.

Of course, even if you can put a name to it, that doesn't mean it won't keep bugging you....
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Jeanne
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"People....so much bigger on the inside." Doctor Who, "The Doctor's Wife," 6.04, by Neil Gaiman.
  
Member since 12/21/06
Posts: 327
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Posted on: 12/11/10 6:59 PM ET
I've known several people like that. You learn to work around them. A benefit of being married to one is that social events that are of interest to you get attended regularly -- those that are not, you can let pass.


Edited for typo
-- Edited on 12/11/10 7:00 PM --
-- Edited on 12/11/10 7:02 PM --
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Kathryn
  
Member since 5/10/05
Posts: 2641
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Posted on: 12/11/10 8:37 PM ET
In reply to Karen31
I'm like that. Honestly, I don't see any real reason to plan most things. I'll get there when I get there, I guess.
-- Edited on 12/11/10 8:38 PM --
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Posted on: 12/11/10 11:45 PM ET
In reply to Sauvage
Quote: Sauvage
There are people who are very challenged in terms of organizing and planning ahead. The term for those skills is "Executive Functioning

Oh wow,, i read some of the info on the site,, this describes me quit well,, not that I am proud of it,, but at least I know....
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Mickie

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Member since 1/25/09
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Posted on: 12/12/10 0:56 AM ET
Thank you, that was an interesting read. Would have been good to have when my oldest son was younger for other reasons.

Sadi, I get "getting to it when you get to it" if it's something that only involves you but how about telling someone oh we should do that this week... let's do that sometime (ok that's more vague)... want to go to the movies this weekend... we should we should we should.... I did ask at one point later when conversation in em continued with no further mention were you asking to do it or just thinking "aloud"? Reply was kinda both, seeing if you're interested available.... but then even after affirmative answer, could not proceed to set a date/time. I get confused only because I haven't seen this before and having only known each other a - wow, almost three months - wondered if it was just being polite to suggest doing things but no real interest.... except the interest/attitude/enthusiasm is always there when we do. So go figure. Maybe it's like me knowing I have to clean the house... make that gift... do the shopping.... know it but can't necessarily make it happen.
We all have things that we just can't do/put together no matter how intelligent or educated or well we execute other seemingly more monumental tasks I guess. I'm reminded of a story I like to tell about when I was in college, a friend came back from visiting her boyfriend's dad back east over spring break, mom was out of town. She was stunned that this very intelligent man left to have to put together breakfast on his own for them couldn't get it together and in fact had a meltdown in the oven as he put a package of sweet rolls in to warm them up. Fully packaged, cellophane and all. His day job? U.S. Secretary of State. I guess just because you can help run the most powerful country on Earth you can't necessarily get the hang of warming packaged breakfast pastries.
It does help knowing that there are others with this same challenge though, makes me not take it so personally.
-- Edited on 12/12/10 0:59 AM --
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Member since 2/7/04
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Re: Unable to plan syndrome?! (posted on 12/12/10 1:07 AM ET)
You might stress to him that you need to plan these things because your life is so busy. Then you'll know what is around the next corner. Is it making you feel like you aren't important to him?
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Leah
  
Member since 1/25/09
Posts: 5195
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Posted on: 12/12/10 1:28 AM ET
In reply to Leora
My life isn't that busy though (ah the consequences of being laid off!) so that wouldn't fly. I was trying to discern is it lack of import or truly inability to put the steps together to make it happen because as noted there is no lack of interest, enthusiasm, etc. whenever we get together. I also wondered if it had to do with availability but doesn't seem to as he can always suit up and show up so to speak when there's a game plan in place. And really if someone simply is not able to get it coordinated/put together (he has sometimes on a moment's notice... maybe it has to do with too much time ahead? Will have to read more of that link) on their own then an ultimatum or pressure isn't going to change that and can just be offputting in frustration. That's where as I said once I figured out which it was I could decide ok, do the positives outweigh having to take on more of this myself. If truly it is something he just can't do but if great interest/enthusiasm to get together to do whatever are still there as they are, the positives definitely outweigh it.... back to the putting down the seat example.... One good thing about doing this at this age vs. 30 years ago is perspective is much clearer
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Member since 9/3/06
Posts: 8552
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Posted on: 12/12/10 1:42 AM ET
In reply to Karen31
I have known men who think that social life and it's obligations are "woman's work". I'm wondering if he falls into that catagory. He's putting out there things he'd enjoy doing with you, but it's your job to plan it!
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2009-113.25 yds
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Everyone who sews seriously has a stockpile of fabrics, because it is natural to purchase more than can be sewn in any one season" Singer, Timesaving Sewing, 1987

  
Member since 7/23/07
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Posted on: 12/12/10 8:40 AM ET
Karen, would you mind PM'ing me? I can't do it since I'm a free member. TIA!
  
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