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The Big Move.. (Moderated by Deepika, EleanorSews)
Posted on: 1/16/14 10:03 PM ET
It's been a long time since I have posted, with many many changes going on..My mom in the past five years has moved from her home of thirty years in Half Moon Bay (on the San Francisco Peninsula) up to a wonderful senior housing development in Santa Rosa. She is 92 years young. Over the past few months, she has fallen more than three times. She is very weak.
Today, I found out that my mom is to be moving on February 1st into a lovely convalescent home, in nearby Calistoga. So the plan is I am going up in February to assist all three of my brothers and Sister in Laws with the moving and cleaning out of her home. Oh boy, this is going to be a serious cleansing experience.(I think that it is going to be for all of us.)
Has anyone gone through this? and what has your experience been like? Please share if you feel comfortable.
Thank you!
Today, I found out that my mom is to be moving on February 1st into a lovely convalescent home, in nearby Calistoga. So the plan is I am going up in February to assist all three of my brothers and Sister in Laws with the moving and cleaning out of her home. Oh boy, this is going to be a serious cleansing experience.(I think that it is going to be for all of us.)
Has anyone gone through this? and what has your experience been like? Please share if you feel comfortable.
Thank you!
Posted on: 1/17/14 2:53 AM ET
In reply to Jennifer shaw
There's a thread that's been running for about a year that you might find helpful Taking care of.......
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Melbourne
Posted on: 1/17/14 4:01 AM ET
In reply to Jennifer shaw
Hoping everyone has gotten along with each other reasonably well prior to this because such an endeavor will task anyone physically and emotionally. Start off being well rested and well hydrated as best as you can. Bring snacks and beverages (bottled water is good)...maybe even sandwiches. Some may want a full break and eat out...other may just want a quick bite and trek on.
It was mentioned that the plan is moving and cleaning...so does that include planning what vehicle will be used for moving things and to where things will go...who will bring what cleaning supplies (it takes a lot of cleaning cloths, rags, sturdy paper toweling...more than what is usually in the home already). Bring a broom and dust pan, mop and bucket and a vacuum (with extra bags and even a new belt just in case)...even if all those are in the house it will make quicker work if there is more than one of each to use. Bring cleansers...and if a washer and dryer is in the home...bring some laundry pods...the pods are easier to use and don't spill.
There will be more than expected to just throw away...please pardon me as I do not intend to be rude...that is just what happens...so contacting the local trash company for extra trash pick up afterwards will make that easier. If there are large items most trash companies will rent out a small dumpster to be picked up on the next trash day.
Everyone should bring boxes...many times that is overlooked.
It was mentioned that the plan is moving and cleaning...so does that include planning what vehicle will be used for moving things and to where things will go...who will bring what cleaning supplies (it takes a lot of cleaning cloths, rags, sturdy paper toweling...more than what is usually in the home already). Bring a broom and dust pan, mop and bucket and a vacuum (with extra bags and even a new belt just in case)...even if all those are in the house it will make quicker work if there is more than one of each to use. Bring cleansers...and if a washer and dryer is in the home...bring some laundry pods...the pods are easier to use and don't spill.
There will be more than expected to just throw away...please pardon me as I do not intend to be rude...that is just what happens...so contacting the local trash company for extra trash pick up afterwards will make that easier. If there are large items most trash companies will rent out a small dumpster to be picked up on the next trash day.
Everyone should bring boxes...many times that is overlooked.
Posted on: 1/17/14 8:33 AM ET
In reply to Jennifer shaw
Hi Jennifer. Yes, please join us in the other thread mentioned. It's a great place to learn, vent, and support. You are not alone
Posted on: 1/17/14 11:31 AM ET
Hi Jenn, I started the "other" thread for the same reasons you're posting. It's been invaluable and hope you join us. I'll give you a
for now and a great big one on Saturday. Yay!
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for now and a great big one on Saturday. Yay!------
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Andy Rooney
Pfonzie- my honey Pfaff Creative Performance and Pfaff Passport, Bernina 930 and 830, Evolution and Enlighten sergers
Pfonzie- my honey Pfaff Creative Performance and Pfaff Passport, Bernina 930 and 830, Evolution and Enlighten sergers
Posted on: 1/17/14 12:55 PM ET
In reply to Jennifer shaw
If your mother took much with her when she moved 5 years ago, I second the idea of a dumpster. My mom lived about 300+ miles from me and had to be moved to a retirement community near me after a stroke. A year later before putting her house on the market, my sister and our spouses emptied out the house. We were there several weekends and each time had a dumpster delivered to the driveway. Each visit we filled it and the company picked it up the. On day after we left.
One thing that bother DH & me was the difficulty of arranging to get things to a Salvation Army or Purple Heart type organization. So much of what we chose not to keep had to be trashed. It was just logistics. We all had jobs and time off work for me was more important with my mom.
It is useful to know the approach of your siblings. My sister's DH is not in the least sentimental. All business. Trash it and get the job done. We arrived earlier the first weekend which was a joint session. My DH and I hurriedly looked for items that might have sentimental value to rescue before sister's DH got going.
That's pretty much my experience.
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One thing that bother DH & me was the difficulty of arranging to get things to a Salvation Army or Purple Heart type organization. So much of what we chose not to keep had to be trashed. It was just logistics. We all had jobs and time off work for me was more important with my mom.
It is useful to know the approach of your siblings. My sister's DH is not in the least sentimental. All business. Trash it and get the job done. We arrived earlier the first weekend which was a joint session. My DH and I hurriedly looked for items that might have sentimental value to rescue before sister's DH got going.
That's pretty much my experience.
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"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin
"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown
“Be curious, not judgmental.” Ted Lasso
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin
"Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal." unknown
“Be curious, not judgmental.” Ted Lasso
Posted on: 1/17/14 1:24 PM ET
I went through this with my mom, who was a serious pack rat as well as an antique collector. Much of her stuff was valuable and family stuff. As she was moving in with me, she brought her favorite things to her new room in my home. She had no specific preferences for other things - most of which one of my sisters took. We held a garage sale and filled a large dumpster with her carpet which had been destroyed by a pet who ,thankfully, had gone before. I wish I could say that dividing her things was unmarred by hurt feelings and greed (the above mentioned sister was seen skipping through the house grabbing things , chanting "mine, mine, all mine". Judging by the ads in the papers this can be avoided by having the entire estate sold by a liquidating service that evaluates everything and staffs the sale. I might be tempted except some pieces had been in the family for over 120 years and I am sentimental enough to hope that when I die my son will want my inheritance. Good luck!
Posted on: 1/17/14 1:31 PM ET
Oh, and I salvaged my moms fabric stash which now has enlarged my own! A couple of small remnants are clearly pre-mom, probably from her great aunt who was a seamstress in the late 1800's and early 1900s. I even have a small remnant from my favorite dress ca. 1949!
Posted on: 1/17/14 4:21 PM ET
When my grandmother had to go into a skilled nursing facility, she had depleted much of her cash reserves with 24/7 sitters for almost 10 years. We needed to sell her house and some of the contents to pay for it. My mom called a local company that did the estate sale and set up a date for that, but had them walk through the house and set aside a few special things that would sell for higher prices elsewhere. More about that later.
All of the children and grandchildren gathered one Saturday to select some things to keep. We took turns and selected favorite furniture, silver, etc. Most of us were still in our 30s and could use an upgrade in furniture. I chose an old lawyer's bookcase, a carved walnut bed, an Empire mahogany chair, a wicker pram, and set of old Waterford wine glasses. Surprisingly, there was no fighting. What was left was sold in the estate sale.
We were surprised to find that my Grandmother's hand-beaded silk flapper dresses and evening bags were very valuable, even in a very fragile state. Costumers buy them for reference. She also had a few pieces of Art Deco jewelry that fetched more than we thought. These pieces were shipped off to auction. The rest of her jewelry was divided among all of us.
With a knowledgeable professional, we were able to select some items to sell for a nice profit, divide our favorites to keep, and sell the rest in a one day estate sale at my Grandmother's house.
Your mom might have some valuables that you haven't considered.
-- Edited on 1/17/14 4:27 PM --
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All of the children and grandchildren gathered one Saturday to select some things to keep. We took turns and selected favorite furniture, silver, etc. Most of us were still in our 30s and could use an upgrade in furniture. I chose an old lawyer's bookcase, a carved walnut bed, an Empire mahogany chair, a wicker pram, and set of old Waterford wine glasses. Surprisingly, there was no fighting. What was left was sold in the estate sale.
We were surprised to find that my Grandmother's hand-beaded silk flapper dresses and evening bags were very valuable, even in a very fragile state. Costumers buy them for reference. She also had a few pieces of Art Deco jewelry that fetched more than we thought. These pieces were shipped off to auction. The rest of her jewelry was divided among all of us.
With a knowledgeable professional, we were able to select some items to sell for a nice profit, divide our favorites to keep, and sell the rest in a one day estate sale at my Grandmother's house.
Your mom might have some valuables that you haven't considered.
-- Edited on 1/17/14 4:27 PM --
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Elizabeth
Posted on: 1/17/14 5:37 PM ET
In reply to Jennifer shaw
My parents died within 10 days of each other, so we had a lot going on all at once.
All us 'kids' were able to gather together a couple times (even though we were all over the country) to go through things and everyone was able to save some things that were important to each of us. We donated almost all the clothing (and mother had a lot!) to various nursing homes in the area.
My parents had done a lot of preplanning, even years ago going over the entire inventory of antiques and more valuable items and so there was much that had already been decided regarding who was taking possession of various pieces. Any haggling had been done years ago, (and there wasn't much) so it left us all free to focus on what was actually important at the time.
The only way I can describe it is to say it was a lot of emotions all at once. I was heartbroken of course, but found things that made me smile as the memories associated with it came flooding back. I was amazed at some of the things my mother had kept all these years. It also felt strange going through someone else's home and contents even though it was my parent's home.
I can only extend my virtual hand to hold and wish you well with this. It's difficult when our parents reach this stage. Thankfully you still have her.
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All us 'kids' were able to gather together a couple times (even though we were all over the country) to go through things and everyone was able to save some things that were important to each of us. We donated almost all the clothing (and mother had a lot!) to various nursing homes in the area.
My parents had done a lot of preplanning, even years ago going over the entire inventory of antiques and more valuable items and so there was much that had already been decided regarding who was taking possession of various pieces. Any haggling had been done years ago, (and there wasn't much) so it left us all free to focus on what was actually important at the time.
The only way I can describe it is to say it was a lot of emotions all at once. I was heartbroken of course, but found things that made me smile as the memories associated with it came flooding back. I was amazed at some of the things my mother had kept all these years. It also felt strange going through someone else's home and contents even though it was my parent's home.
I can only extend my virtual hand to hold and wish you well with this. It's difficult when our parents reach this stage. Thankfully you still have her.

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Stash: 188 yds. @ 11.25.18
Bernina 560
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Bernina 560
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